American Idol Meets The Jersey Shore: NJ Auditions

The 10th season of America’s mega hit kicked off tonight. And what better place to kick off the season than in the great state of New Jersey? For our sake, I was hoping and praying Snooki wouldn’t find her way on screen. I’m almost certain she doesn’t have a great singing voice. She’s been expending too much energy on learning how to write for that new book of hers. In a welcomed change, Jersey was able to bring America more than sexual promiscuity, STDs, and six packs. Some were welcomed (hello Melinda Ademi, welcome to America) and some made us long for the STD. Wait, scratch that. Burping guy wasn’t that bad, was he? Let’s jump on in and take a look at part one of the 2 night premiere! Don’t forget to join our FORUMS for our Idol live blogging threads during each and every episode! And as an added bonus, YOU get to help us choose a name for our new Idol recap feature here at the Yak. If you have any ideas, submit them below in our comments!

Ok, first off, it’s SO nice to not see Kara behind the judge’s table. But man oh man, is it weird to not see Simon Cowell. Oddly enough, he’s not missed. At least, not by me. Steven and Jennifer were great choices from what I see so far!. We also got confirmation that this year’s winner will be signed on to Interscope Records under management of legend Jimmy Lovine. And first up, we have Rachel Zevita who mangled Hallelujah by taking the ending up what felt like 15 octaves, but the judges are giving her a chance. Caleb Hawley got Steven Tyler banging tables, clapping hands, and a’hollerin’ hallelujah. A part of me thinks he’ll be the next Paula. Steven that is, not Caleb. Tell me that’s not bound to happen by mid-season. Kenzie Palmer, aged 15, came out and belted Carrie Underwood’s “While We’re Young and Beautiful” with some country twang. And we have our first judge’s quarrel with the men feeling she didn’t give them enough pizazz. What’d y’all want? Her dancing around with Snooki? Damn, there she is again. And then we went down-hill, thanks to the Ivory Coast, nonetheless. Lesson learned: Madonna and French accents just aren’t meant to be. And the first no of the season goes to Achille.

Really, Fox? Did we need a lesson in Jersey etiquette or lack thereof? I don’t even think her hair was any different after her hair tip demonstration. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse than the starred breasts, Tiffany sang to remind the judge’s that America needs her to go through to the next round for high ratings. She was considerate, at least. She closed her coat because her second audition song was more emotional. Guess we didn’t need the stars covering the nips. The JLo Snooki mix actually made it through. And we reached the portion of programming where I wanted to mute my television. Now we’re just playing the game of who will get JLo to officially say “No.” Robbie Rosen would not be that contestant. In fact, he proved to be quite the opposite. Singing his way to JLo’s heart with “Yesterday,” there’s no way she or any of the other judges could say no to this 16 year old. Now we pause for a public service announcement from your local boy scout, dressed like he was ready to go fishing. Don’t text and drive. He should stick to fishing or snapping because apparently he’s good at that.

Well, just when I was thinking of switching over to Modern Family, Michael “Burp” P. impressed the judges with his (lack of) ability in singing, prompting Steven Tyler to ask if he ate paint chips as a child. Here we go with yet another contestant who promises they can give a better performance with a second song. That’s like asking Snooki to use birth control the second time thinking it’ll cancel out the first. Up next…the next Britney Spears wannabe. And we met her as she left the porta-potty. You know that’s gotta mean something. We’ve got the season’s first contestant to get on her knees to beg to go to Hollywood. Me thinks this chick just doesn’t have herself figured out. Britney is her idol, she loves showtunes, she’s crying one minute and clapping and begging the next. Send her home. Next please. The two new judge’s fell victim to her begging. They just haven’t learned. That’s why I’m not a judge. Well, that and Steven Tyler’s resume beat mine out.

Victoria Huggins. Where do I even begin? Between being Kellie Pickler reincarnated as a brunette and Steven Tyler telling her that her skirt is just showing the right amount, this chick can actually sing. Next time, consider a mood depressant to bring her back to earth before coming back on my TV. But I’ll give her props, she can sing. The next sob story of the evening goes to the immigrant family from Kosovo, “winning” the green card lottery to give their family another chance at a new life in America. Ladies and Gentlemen, Melinda can belt out a tune! Move on to the Michael Jackson imitator from Japan, who wants to grace us with Miley’s big hit. Yojipop. What else would you expect from someone with a name like that? And cue Miley Cyrus montage, the first of the season. Just what I did NOT want to hear. Keep Miley off my TV.

Cue the next sob story. Brielle from Staten Island with her dad who fought throat cancer. Touching story, but, at the risk of sounding like a rick with a ‘d,’ she’s the one auditioning. Not minimizing what he went through, but let’s make this about her. And as we reach the end of the Jersey auditions, we’re down to the final audition of the Garden State. Travis Orlando, sob story in toe, wowed the judge’s with a Beatles hit and “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz. And the final contestant of the night…off to Hollywood, with 50 other Jersey shore-ians!

Idol worshippers, there you have it. Night one of AI10 in the books! Thanks for checking out the first edition of our new Idol recap at the Yak. Let us know what you’d like to see kept, changed, and anything in between. Be sure to join us tomorrow as we head to New Orleans!