Alright, as they’ve beaten mercilessly into our heads all week, tonight was Patriotic night on Dancing With The Stars. Tangent time, is anyone else as sick as I am of the themes? Classical week, patriotic week….what’s next, Teeny Bop Week? Are we going to see Hines and Kym doing the Tango to MmmmmmmmmBop next? Seriously DWTS, do away with the themes and get back to basics. Give them their dances, and for once let them pick their songs too like you did Week 2. Sure, have Movie Night, you do that every year, but no more themes! And while you’re at it, please get Kendra into an Etiquette class (more on that and the reason for the article title later). Brooke Burke is letting me down too because she’s wearing another normal dress (Ms. Burke are you reading this?).
SO…we start off tonight with Ralph and Karina. They danced the Samba to Sweet Home Alabama. Yeah, it was weirdness. He’s technically proficient and I like that he tries, but this was an awkward dance, probably his worst of the season. Bruno and Len both said that he is inconsistent week to week and needed more movement in this dance. Carrie Ann loved it, however, and they ended up scoring 22.
Chris and Cheryl danced the Vienesse Waltz to America the Beautiful. I think he was technically fantastic, he is seriously getting so good and rivaling Hines as the top male on the show. Chris was determined to get an 8 from Len, by the way. The judges felt like technically he was great, and is a contender. Len commented on Cheryl’s breasts (or as he called them, her “Rocky Mountains”). They ended up getting a 26!
Petra and Dmitry did the Quickstep to Viva Las Vegas and this is one clear instance where they need to do away with live singers and play the tape because the singer MURDERED this Elvis song. I actually disagreed with the judges on this one, I thought it was a fantastic dance, with just a few small errors here and there. But the judges said she took a step back, that it wasn’t as refined and that the handling was a bit dodgy. They gave them a total of 22 out of 30.
Up next were Romeo and Chelsie with the Foxtrot, to New York, New York. Romeo gets on my nerves, it’s as though he has to show us that he’s street and cool every week and still has swagger. Seriously dude, you joined a ballroom dancing show, you’re not going to be the same image you are off the show, chillax! But they did dance this really well I thought, save for a few times here and there were it was a bit stiff for my taste. The judges LOVED it and gave them the same score they gave Chris/Cheryl, a 26.
Hines and Kym danced the Rumba to Proud To Be An American after that and I seriously wanted to reach through my TV screen and smack Hines everytime he said “Rumba” because he kept pronouncing it “ROMba”. Stupid thing to be annoyed by, but it grated on my nerves big time. Now, Hines has mad talent and seriously throws everything he has into each dance, and it shows from his dancing BUT I did not think this was his greatest dance. I didn’t think there was a true connection and the dancing seemed off. Whatev, because the judges said it was his best one ever and gave him the top score of 27. Oh, and he lifted Kym up at the end BEFORE the music was over.. pretty much EVERY time a lift is done in a dance you’re not supposed to lift in Carrie Ann goes bonkers over it. Not this time, so whatsup with that?
Kirstie and Maks danced what I think was a Foxtrot next, to American Woman. Can’t say much about this dance, I was too transfixed by Maks, shirtless in tight leather pants. After I doused myself in ice water, I have to say that they made it through with no glitches and I didn’t think it was bad at all. In fact, I think the judges underscored them a tick. Plus, she is losing some weight I think! Double points for bringing in a dance doctor….aka John Travolta!!! Carrie Ann said it was their best dance ever, Len complimented their steps as they included all the basic ones but it wasn’t his cup of tea and Bruno basically asked Maks to be his male gigolo. They got a 23 out of 30.
Kendra and Louis got the Foxtrot, to Yankee Doodle Dandy and they also got the 1000th dance. I like Louis, but it was a crime to give this distinction to Kendra. We learned she was very upset at Carrie Ann saying she’s afraid of elegance and noted “I’m not af’ingfraid of elegance!”. The dance was patriotic and fit the theme but I didn’t get it at all, it was seriously bizarre. Then we got the treat of the season…remember a couple weeks ago when Kendra noted that it was hard to be elegant when you’re afraid of your armpits smelling? Then, on live TV, she sniffed her armpit? Well, tonight she attributed her being upset at what Carrie Ann said to the fact that “It was that time of the month”. I’m as starstruck as the next person by some stars (not her), but I never, ever, EVER want to know the menstrual cycle of any of them. I don’t want to know when they poop, or pee, or if their pits stink or anything like that. But I’m glad Kendra sure put the notion that she’s not a lady behind her, aren’t you? Oh yeah, the judges gave her a 22 out of 30.
Mark and Chelsea did what was supposed to be a Samba to Party in the USA by Miley “I smoke from a bong and pole dance at the Teen Choice Awards” Cyrus. Chelsea wanted to go unconventional again, but Mark wanted to go and do a straightlaced samba. I wish he’d listened to her because this routine bored me to tears. I like it better when they go unconventional because Mark has mad talent for choreography. The judges, however, thought it sizzled, that they perform well together and Bruno likes Mark’s bum (Maks bum is better). They scored a 26 out of 30.
So that’s it tonight…tune in tomorrow for the results! And hey, look at the top of the page, see where it says “forum”?!? Click that, come in and talk with us, we rock!
Hines/Kym – 27
Mark/Chelsea – 26
Romeo/Chelsie – 26
Chris/Cheryl – 26
Kirstie/Maks – 23
Ralph/Karina – 22
Petra/Dmitry – 22
Kendra/Louis – 22
My bet is that Kendra/Louis and Ralph/Karin