Hello hello hello everybody and welcome to the first Saturday edition of Let’s Yakkity Yak! In case you don’t see the link at the bottom, or rather didn’t in my previous editions, the link to our Let’s Yakkity Yak thread, in our forum, is here. And you have to register to comment, as well as other things! I have a lot of good stuff I want to talk about today, we’re asshats abound, except for one thing. How would you like to be mentioned in Let’s Yakkity Yak? Well here’s’ your chance. Buried somewhere in the forum is a picture. A picture of what, you ask? Well, I’ll give you a clue. It’s my favorite phrase…..asshat. So find that asshat and PM me, Ahrean, the link to the thread, just copy and paste it right out of your web browser, and the post number and you will get mentioned in the Sunday edition of Let’s Yakkity Yak! Now wait, you say, how the hell am I going to search through all the threads you have in there to find that picture? I’ll give you three clues to help you along the way.
Clue #1 – How’s your life? It’s been a while. God it’s good to see you smile.
Clue #2 – Y. 5 squared. Quarter. Take your pick.
Clue #3 – Pucker up baby.
Alright, so let’s get started.
Oh Usher. Or as Ludacris annoyingly calls him “Ursher”. Weeks after appearing on American Idol, this ASSHAT decides he has to open his overly toothy mouth to say that it makes talented singers celebs and then just casts them aside. In an article on msn. Com he stated, “The true art form of music is being lost, because it seems so easy that everyone can do it, and that it can happen overnight. Television is a lie. It can’t happen overnight. The artist who thinks that it can just comes and goes. The reason why great singers cannot exist in this time is maybe because they’re not properly managed, and maybe they don’t’ understand the full gamut of what being an entertainer is.” Hands up if you thin Usher doesn’t’ have the slightest fucking clue what the word gamut means and threw it in there after googling it, so he could sound cool. Ursher, or Usher, or whatever the hell you want to call him went on to say that the music industry is dying every day. Record companies are mass producing versions of those types of people and versions of what he said was broken art. He also threw in that even though it sells records, it damages the business. Have you put your hands or hand down yet? Back up if you think Usher is a bit pissed that some AI veterans are doing better than he is, and pissed that he didn’t have this option when he was trying to break into the business? Remember that song “Hey Jealousy”? Anyone wanna do a drive-by with me at Usher’s house to blast that song? He sounds so much like the bitch that criticized AI for letting singers take the easy way out by not having to work for a career, I don’t’ even remember her name but yeah, she got truly famous after McPhee sang “Black Horse and a Cherry Tree” on Idol. Granted, I have my own issues with American Idol. *COUGHDITCHKARACOUGH* But I’m sick and tired of established artists criticizing it and saying these kids don’t have to work for anything. Bite me butt munch, you don’t’ have the first clue what these kids go through on a daily basis when they’re on that show, and you DO know the work they have to do afterward to keep their name and music out there. It’s not like the show ends and they get handed instant, LASTING fame. So screw you Usher, AI probably helped sell a shitload of your records. ASSHAT.
Halle Berry has split from her baby daddy, Canadian model and saliva inducing Gabriel Aubry, father to her daughter Nahla. Apparently, they did it the right way though, working for months on a financial and custody arrangement, and what’s best for their little girl. Here’s the kicker. It was Aubry who pulled the plug, evidently because of the age difference. He didn’t feel it was working anymore, but when they first started seeing each other the age difference didn’t matter. So here’s what I think. I think he was a regular Joe like all of us, met and bedded Halle Freaking Berry, got her knocked up and WHAMMO, instant fame. Now that he has it, he doesn’t need her and it’s on to his next conquest. Do I get to say ASSHAT again? Yeah, I do. Remember, I’m not a journalist, so I don’t have to be objective or really even factually correct. The best is yet to come though because he started feeling an attraction towards other women. The ONE thing I can say, if that part is true, is that at least this guy had the decency to split before he dipped in another pool. But seriously, this is HALLE FREAKING BERRY, what more could any of the men who’ve been with her want?!? Asshats, the lot of them. No more memorable kisses for them!
Anyone not living under a rock knows by now that Tiger likes to dip his pen in various inkwells but even I didn’t think it was this bad. Celebitchy reports that Tiger admitted to his wife Elin that he “slept” with 120 women. Stop right there……….who the hell made up the phrase “slept with” in reference to sex? Anyone not a serial killer normally has sex with someone that is awake and responsive. You don’t sleep when you screw, you do that afterward! Alright back to asshat #3. It gets better. After admitting to the 120 women, he neglected to include his 21 year old neighbor. My head is spinning. Tiger isn’t THAT cute ladies, oh wait, he’s rich, that’s right. I guess we all can’t have standards can we? Is a Fendi bag worth sleeping with douche-bag? I’m telling you, if you put David Duchovny, Tiger Woods and Michael Douglas (before he was reformed) all together and set them loose on a big city, every female in that city would be screwed before morning. Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, you are NOT the cat’s meow. You’re just a dick.
Debbie may have done Dallas but I bet she didn’t jimmy up! Well if Debbie were to be resurrected (is she even still alive?), and she wanted to do Dallas again, she may have to have Dallas wear a condom. California’s Occupational Safety and Health Standards Board is considering a request by anti-pornography activists and the country’s biggest HIV/AIDS nonprofit organization to require all actors to wear condoms in any sexual scene contained in a porno. (Up there, that’s a condom, hopefully you know that by now. ) I hope by “actor” they mean the ones with penises because I’m sure all female porn stars are going to have a hard time figuring out where to put the condom, seeing as they don’t’ have penises. Bu dum dum, cymbal! Hey, did you know that in the San Fernando Valley area, (it’s legal to shoot porn there), a porno is shot every 45 minutes? That’s every 45 minutes, 24/365. That’s a lot of screwing. You know, I can see both sides of this. Obviously if they’re not testing their actors and ACTRESSES (I yelled that because I hate it when they generalize the sexes, sometimes at least. When it’s used in reference to something only a person with a penis can use). Anyway, if they’re not testing these people for STD’s and such, and they have sex without protection, well, you know what will happen. So it really is for the safety of the entertainers. I can see the studio side of things too. #1 – Some people probably won’t watch to watch the few seconds it takes for a man to put on a rubber and #2 – Imagine how many condoms they’ll go through, the expense alone would buy me the new car I so desperately need!
Alright, it’s Saturday and that means it’s Asshat of the Week day! The first Asshat of the Week is the not so esteemed Reverend Fred Phelps. He is the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. And you all know who he is, remember the guy that pickets soldier’s funerals with signs such as “God hates fags” and “Thank God For Dead Soldiers”….and the best one, “Priests Rape Boys”? Yeah, it’s this asshat and his asshat followers that do it. They believe that most natural disasters and terrorist attacks are God’s punishment for a society that tolerates homosexuality. But that last one, priests rape boys, does that mean Phelps does the same thing? Aren’t ministers and priests essentially the same thing, chosen leaders of God? Yeah, he’s an asshat. Last year they all got us hopeful when one follower said it was nearly time for them to leave this place…….I just hope they don’t take those innocent children, who don’t know any better, with them. And is it just me, or does this guy look WAY too much like the creepy zombiesque preacher from Poltergeist II?
Well, that’s about it for me. I have some great discount cigarettes to go smoke, the fat dog needs to take a piss and my pineapple crops in Farmville are ready to be harvested. Hey, don’t you guys have some asshat picture hunting to do? Keep your eyes and ears open, and be on the lookout because I’ll be back tomorrow! This is Ahrean…………………..OUT.