Let’s Yakkity Yak! May 2nd, 2010

Welcome everyone to another edition of Let’s Yakkity Yaks! In today’s edition I introduce yet another feature, called “Who’s Bringing Sexy Yak?” and yes, one person I consider sexylicious will be featured. But before we get down to the sexiness, I have to wonder, are you all really that sucky at finding my asshat? Lol! Noone’s found it yet, but it’s okay, not everyone can be as good as me. So let’s get to some news and gossip, shall we? Don’t forget to join us in our forums to tell us what you think!

Mr. Gwen Stefani, aka Gavin Rossdale, is speaking out now that “I’m Fading From The Spotlight So I Have To Do Something”, aka Courtney Love has opened her jaw about a supposed affair they carried on. According to MSN.com’s Wonderwall, although he doesn’t outright deny her claims, he does state that his marriage to Stefani “is fine”. This tells me a couple things. One, he did bed Love, which leads me to question his judgement and two, yeah, his judgement sucks. Seriously, why all of a sudden are all of these male celebrities going off with scags?!? Sure, this time it was awhile back but then again…..I could understand if he had bedded a Victoria’s Secret Angel or something but Courtney freaking Love?!? My god in heaven, was he desperate or something?

Don’t cough around Christina Aguilera, she’ll threaten to kill you! At least that’s what one reporter found out recently. In giving an interview regarding her new album, you can hear in the background a reporter coughing. You can see a look of irritation on her face, and then she says, “He coughs during my interview?!? Shoot him!” and laughs, as if that’s to say “Oh I’m only kidding….”. Bitch please! Give him a Ricola and keep on going, don’t act as though your shit don’t stink because guess what, it does. You’re beautiful, you have a voice from God, but that doesn’t mean you’re some great almighty mystical creature that mere mortals cannot cough in front of. Get the hell over yourself.

There’s a really cool new book out, and if any of y’all are looking to surprise little ole’ me with a gift, this would be a good one! It’s called “Obsolete: An Encyclopedia Of Once-Common Things Passing Us By”, authored by Anna James Grossman. Remember the days when you had to turn a dial to call someone? Remember Lloyd Dobler? Hoisting that boom box above his head for Diane whilst Peter Gabriel sang “In Your Eyes”? Now go look in your garage and see a boom box much like it getting dusty on a shelf. And then look at the also dusty soundtrack to Top Gun on cassette tape. These days people are listening to music on items the size of that cassette tape. That reminds me, has anyone seen my iPod? Remember typewriters? Polaroid cameras? Atari 2600? VHS? Anyway, I want to read this book, and I think y’all should too.

Hey hey hey, doctors say that Bret Michaels potentially could be healthy enough to appear on the finale of Celebrity Apprentice, set to air on NBC on May 23^rd! That would be GREAT news considering how dire his situation was just days ago. He is still in intensive care but doctors say that if all the studies he’s done show no aneurysm, then it would just depend on his energy level. He does remain in critical condition, and doctors are treating him for hyponatremia, which is a sodium deficiency most commonly caused by a brain hemorrhage leading to seizures (thank you to my Medical Terminology and Human A&P professors!). Recovery could either take a few weeks if things go perfect or up to several months. It’s unlikely Bret will suffer further complications however the most common are short-term meory loss along with depression and problems concentrating. As to Celebrity Apprentice, Bret filmed the majority of it last fall, however in the finale, traditionally, the final two contestants debate against each other live, in front of Trump. If Michaels does make it to the final two, it would obviously make Apprentice history if he’s not able to defend himself at the finale. It should be interesting to see whether or not he makes it to the end and on the finale, however either way my hope is that he just gets better.

It’s time for………Who’s Bringing Sexy Yak! And it just wouldn’t be right if I didn’t give this prestigious honor first to my dear Jeremy Renner. Yes, Mr. Hurt Locker himself. My god this man is freaking HOT. Beyond that, he’s talented as hell too! Go watch 12 and Holding, Neo Ned, Hurt Locker, 28 Weeks Later, The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford, Dahmer…….just for starters. He was Hollywood’s premiere undiscovered gems until this past awards season when Hollywood FINALLY pulled it’s head out of it’s ass (yes, it was an asshat) and realized what a talent they had, by honoring him with an Academy Award nomination. Keep your eyes open for this guy, he’s set to appear in Ben Afflecks’ next directed movie, “The Town” and is rumored to be filming “The Raven” with Ewan McGregor. Plus, there were two major movies set to film this summer battling over him, although supposedly he chose Paul Thomas Anderson’s flick over the Sci-Fi Peter Berg movie “Battleship”. Either way, I don’t care, I’d watch Jeremy Renner recite the tax code in Swahili with a big freaking grin on my face. He’s bringing sexy Yak, that’s for damn sure!

With that, I’m off. It’s Sunday, and I have a lot of those good generic smokes left. Keep your eyes and ears open and come back tomorrow for my next column! This is Ahrean…..OUT.