Survivor One World: Episode 2 Recap – Total Dysfunction

“Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman.” It seems especially appropriate to quote Tammy Wynette’s famous line, especially tonight. Watching this group of dysfunctional, inept, moronic women of the Salani tribe, quite frankly it’s embarrassing to share the gender.

Holy cow! We start out with Alicia and Christina having a non conversation after last weeks tribal council. Alicia thinks Christina looked crazy at tribal council for yelling at Alicia to “shut up”. It takes two to tango. Christina says that Alicia verbally attacked her, which she did. Alicia responds, “I’m sorry you felt that way.” Umm.. that’s not an apology Alicia. They say they are cool with each other which they aren’t and the two “fake hug” it out.

Salani has another “tribe meeting” and decides to appoint a leader which turns out to be…Drumroll please…..Sabrina! Surprise!! Sabrina says that she’s happy to take on the responsibility as tribe leader of the “airheads”. Well this bodes well, I must say.

Tree mail results in an in-camp reward challenge. What?? No Jeff?? This is why I watch Survivor producers! Each team gets two large boxes. In the boxes are ropes tied in knots with a ring in the middle. The first tribe to untie all their knots wins a tarp. It’s going to rain people! It’s going to rain a lot and you’re going to want that tarp. At least that’s what all the notes say. Both teams work fast and furiously but alas the men win again. They think they’re so hot that they untied all the knots faster than the women. The men have a virtual love, huggy, kissy fest. “Let’s rock and roll”! shouts Troy(zan). Well, that’s original. The magic tarp is placed on the incredibly sturdy, roomy shelter that the men have spent days on. The women, once again dejected by their loss, feel discouraged and have yet another “tribe meeting.”.

As the men continue to spend time improving their bitchin’ camp, Colton can’t stand it anymore. He has to be with the women. He has nothing in common with the men except for an additional appendage. He strolls over to the women’s camp and starts helping them shore up their shelter for the oncoming rain. After being there almost all day Sabrina tells him they must have a tribe meeting and he can’t be present. She sends Colton away. The tribe meeting was a fake out as they’ve already had six or seven tribe meetings that day with no results. They decide that Colton is a drama queen and that he absolutely cannot be around their camp all the time because if he was bringing information back to the Manono tribe, the girls would look stupid. Hey, girls I have a surprise for you! Colton cries to try and get his way but the girls stand firm. Colton then returns to the Manono camp and that night makes an alliance with Tarzan (someone please put some clothes on that man), Troy(zan), Leif and Jonas. He tells them about the immunity idol and is immediately crowned king of the alliance.

Immunity Challenge:

The immunity challenge initially looks geared towards the women as it’s basic element is balance. Women notoriously excel in the balance challenges on Survivor, however the producers forgot one thing…boobs. All tribe mates must line up on a narrow balance beam above the water. The player on the end must pass all players on the small beam to make it to the platform. Catch, you cannot touch more than one person at a time. Cat is player number one for the Salina tribe and she attempts to yak her way past Monica. She is frozen, completely frozen. Jeff P. tries to prompt Cat along but she ends up touching Monica and the player next to her so she must start over. This happens again and again. After a while Cat is just jumping in the water and starting over even when she doesn’t have to. Cat doesn’t have the best listening skills. Jeff P. is just shaking his head. In the meantime Leif has easily made his way through all his tribemates and lands on the platform and Colton follows suit. Monica decides to take matters into her own hands and becomes player number one and manages to make it to the platform. It’s too late. The men have completed the challenge and win immunity. This was a slaughter! Actually it was an embarrassing slaughter as Cat couldn’t follow Jeff’s directions and the women looked like idiots.

Back at camp Monica and Nina know that they and Christina are in the minority. They know that Cat should go home because she lost the challenge and that she appears to be the weak link. The 5; Sabrina, Alicia, Cat, Kim and Chelsea want Nina to go home because as Alicia says, “She’s a bag of rocks.” Nina makes a case to Chelsea who also talks to Kim and Kim puts the kabash on voting for Cat saying. “We need those girls to trust us.” See that’s the problem as I see it. They’re all over eighteen and they’re women but they still see themselves as girls.

Tribal Council:

Jeff points out in Tribal that they are acting like sixth graders. Thank you Jeff, my point exactly. Jeff asks Nina if the women are aware of her background. Nina says that she has shared with some that she was an LAPD officer for 13 years. She handles stress well, reacts under pressure and is physically strong. Jeff then asks Cat what she brings to the table. Cat says she talks to people all day and is in sales. She’s the youngest on the tribe. She admits to never failing at anything yet in her life because she doesn’t challenge herself. She says she never tries anything that she knows she can’t win. Well props to her for applying for Survivor because she definitely is challenging herself. The 5 made their alliance as they were walking into the camp on day one, without even knowing each other. Jeff asks Chelsea and Sabrina if they would have made different alliances knowing what they know now, they both say “Yes.” So is there hope for Nina to stay?
It’s time to vote. Ironically Nina is the only one who votes to evict Cat. Monica votes for her own alliance member Christina and Christina votes out Nina. Wow, strong convictions ladies. Nina is the second person voted out of “Survivor One World.”

Sorry people, I can’t sugar-coat a turd. Instead of a “bag of rocks” looks like we’re stuck with a “box of rocks.”

Until next week, Outlast, Outwit, Outplay!!