The Big Brother Fortune Teller Speaks

The Big Brother Fortune Teller awoke this evening, giving clues to the Houseguests, most likely for the Head of Household Competition tomorrow night. The Houseguests were instructed by “Crystal” the fortune teller that they have one minute to come into the parlor room when they hear her laugh.

The Fortune Teller gave out the following clues:

Fortune Teller: In 2017, when the hot Miami sun is too much for her to bear, Porsche will move to anchorage Alaska and buy an igloo with an Eskimo named Ernie.

Fortune Teller: In 2018, Shelly will make millions when her book “How I Created the Perfect Tan and How You Can Too” reaches #3 on the all time best seller list.

Fortune Teller: In 2014, Jeff will disappear from society, last to be seen walking Chicago streets muttering two words. “Clown shoes.”

Fortune Teller: On Oct 15th 2011 at 3:42 pm, Daniele will reconcile with her father Dick. On October 15th at 3:49pm, they will go back to not speaking.

Fortune Teller: In 2014, after sleeping for 19 straight days and making national headlines in the sleep study, Kalia will earn her dream job as a mattress and pillow tester.

Fortune Teller: In 2016 Lawon will sweep New York fashion week by storm when he launches his handsomefied line of hats, ties and jackets.

Fortune Teller: After taking 9 yrs to earn his PHD, Brendon will shock scholars and physicians alike after discovering the cure for the disease that plagued him his entire life. Athlete’s foot.

Fortune Teller: In 2020, Adam will file for bankruptcy after investing his life savings in bacon scented heavy metal teddy bears for children.

Fortune Teller: In 2018 Rachel will give birth to a 9lb. 6oz bouncing baby boy and name it Bookie Jr. after it’s proud father.

Fortune Teller: in 2012 Cassi will land a leading role alongside International mega star David Hasselhoff in the countrified Bay Watch reboot, River Watch.

Fortune Teller: In 2015, Evel Dick will start a Christmas tradition, by bringing gifts to heavily tattooed children, changing his name from Evel Dick to Jolly ‘ol Saint Dick.

Fortune Teller: In 2013 Dominic will grace the cover of Seventeen magazine with the headline “total dom-ination”. He’ll dethrone pop sensation Justin Bieber as America’s favorite heart throb.

Fortune Teller: In 2015 Keith will land a job hosting a new dating show called “Love Rejection” but it will be short lived after its revealed he tried to date all 29 female contestants.

Fortune Teller: In 2011 after the runaway success of the “humilitard”, Jordan will launch a line of humilatard inspired items, like the humilicar, the humilifire, and the humilibake oven.

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