As promised, throughout the week, we are featuring stories from our very own members in our YakkityYaks forum. These stories are volunteered from people who call our website their internet home and it is just another example of our personal feel and family attitude we pride ourselves in.
Just a reminder, the stories are unedited and real truths. We have only changed the names of those involved to protect their identities.
Here are two different accounts from Yaksters, both who wished to remain anonymous.
Okay, so here’s my story.
As a child I was and continue to be a bit hyper. I had some things happen to me that shouldn’t happen to any child and it affects me to this day. Made me very insecure with myself, who I was, what value I had as a person and whether or not I could ever trust someone enough to be intimate and not necessarily in a sexual way but moreso in a way that you fully expose yourself to a person (again, not that way) and trust that they wont’ belittle or make fun of you. I wanted to fit in with the kids at school but I never knew the right thing to do or say around them, couldn’t be myself really because I always thought that since things had been done to me I may not have been worthwhile enough to really like. I did have friends, but I was never popular or cool.
When I was in the fifth grade I went through a phase where I’d wear different color socks, swimsuit coverups as part of an outfit, and other oddities…thought that would make me cool but nothing ever seemed to work with the popular kids. They’d tell me I was weird, ugly, smelled….and the times they’d include me in things were the times they could use me for something I had. Such as, as stupid as this sounds, my collections of things like the California Raisins figures, Garbage Pail Kids cards, etc. They’d pretend to like me and because I wanted to be cool I’d give them some and then they’d make fun of me again afterwards.
It got worse in junior high. Puberty and body odor set in, B.O. was my nickname from 8th grade on. I had clinical acne in the 8th grade, and man they had a field day with that one. I’d get crushes on boys, and they’d ask me to “go with them” only to find out it was a joke. In the 8th grade I was out of school for a week due to an eye virus that nearly went through this paper thin bone that lies between your eye socket and brain, and when I went back my friends, fellow nerds, were concerned but many told me to my face I wasn’t missed.
I had I think a sum total of two or three dates in high school too and the thing is, I was a late bloomer. When I was about 16 I got a figure, in fact I remember one time I had to walk up to the teacher’s desk in high school and two of the popular guys said “She might be a freak but she’s got a great ass”…..but I still was so awkward, could never connect with a guy b/c I would always get a scared feeling in my stomach.
So while I was never told to kill myself or any of the nonsense you see today, I never quite fit in. The resonating effect of that hits to this day too. If you’re told over and over you’re not perfect, that you’re a dork, geek, spaz, ugly, you smell, acne face you start to believe it. I’m thankful I have a family who tells me just how wrong those people were, even without saying it, but showing it. But I’m still self conscious, still really want to fit in with people, and I still can’t trust some in certain areas b/c of something that happened, that should never happen and will I ever get past that? I don’t know.
But I will say this, for anyone that’s been bullied, or is right now. It gets better b/c all those people who made my life hell, who made me want to die and I did try twice and thankfully failed, have since grown and matured. All the “dorks” and popular kids now hang out whenever they can get together…..
I was in seventh grade, and an eighth grader was always pushing me into lockers, walls, anywhere else I happened to be at the time. He also called me every name in the book. Finally, I got fed up with it all. He came up to me one day and tried to physically push me around again. I got up into his face and told him if he wanted to push me around anymore, he would have a fight on his hands because I wasn’t gonna take it anymore. From that day on, this guy left me alone.
If you too would like to share your story with us, we would love to hear from you. You can contact us through the contact form at the top of this page, or send your story to JDMontgomery@yakkityyaks.com. The more stories there are, the more we can show others they are not alone in this fight.