The Yak Takes Out The Trash!!! June 10th, 2011

Hello everyone and welcome back! It’s time once again for the Yak to take out the trash! We’d like to thank our own Yak Nicholson for performing this obligation every week, taking out the trash can be a dirty and risky business. So, let’s get down to it, shall we?

Well, well, well….sometimes being an MTV reality star isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Not if you’re Amber Portwood. Hey, remember that episode of Teen Mom where she basically tried to beat the hell out of her baby daddy, Gary Shirley?? Well, it was time to pay the piper for that, or so I thought….keep reading to see why I say she got the legal equivalent of a Tic Tac punishment. She plead guilty in an Indiana courtroom Thursday to two counts of felony domestic battery. amberportwoodShe had faced up to three years in a federal prison and a $10,000 fine but instead the judge let her off with a two year suspended sentence and two years of probation. Raise your hand if you expect her to be labeled a parole violator within a year. My hand’s up! This was a plea deal, of course, and as part of it the judge dropped the two other charges, a felony count of neglect of a dependent and a misdemeanor charge of domestic battery. The no-contact order with Shirley was vacated as well. Oh, it gets better….Shirley himself was busted recently for driving with a suspended license (seriously, if your license is suspended it was for a damn good reason AND it means you can’t drive braniac!). Portwood was with him at the time, of course, and they were overheard arguing which is when the cops got involved. Portwood claims they weren’t fighting and that they haven’t had a major fight in two years. Good god, round two commencing in t-minus 3,2,1…..

Hey, speaking of vehicular mishaps, let’s talk about little miss drunkard Estella Warren, yay! estellawarrenMy bet is this Planet of the Apes beauty would probably like to be on another planet right now (hey, she should call Charlie Sheen, isn’t he going to be on HSN soon hawking his own world?). Anyway, she was charged on June 9th with DUI, hit-and-run driving, battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest. This came from a truly bizarre episode last month where she went drunk driving, smashed into three cars, left the scene, then got busted by the cops and arrested for DUI…..and THEN when they were trying to cuff her she pretty much kicked a cop, ultimately landing herself in jail. These charges are all misdemeanors, and the next date for her case is June 17th, but she is not required to attend. She did luck out in one aspect, she hadn’t been booked when she fled the cops and thusly couldn’t be charged with felony escape. Either way, she’s out on $100,000 bail and faces 2.5 years in prison. She should seek out Portwood’s judge, no?

Alright, onto politics! Alec Baldwin might run for mayor of NYC in 2013 and he’s got Mr. and Mrs. Affleck backing him already. alec_baldwinAfter the recent Weinergate scandal broke, apparently Baldwin felt as though the dynamics had shifted and the race would be changed since Weiner HAD been a former golden boy of the Dems but now falls in the Stupid category. Baldwin’s rep has stated not to rule out a run for office and Baldwin himself has even hinted that next year may be his last on 30 Rock. Plus, in January Baldwin told CNN’s Eliot Spitzer that he would be interested, but only if he could run specifically in New York City. Garner stated in an interview recently that she and her husband Affleck were backing him, saying he could give them all a run for everyone’s money. What do you think?

I don’t even want to give this next person space on the Yak’s front page but I have to because it’s so completely disgusting that people should know….they should know that Tracy Morgan isn’t just some funny guy from 30 Rock as well but rather an anger management needing homophobe. 61162442 On June 3rd, Morgan was giving a comedy show in Nashville and apparently went on a tirade so offensive (it was) that now the non-profit group Truth Wins Out has gotten involved in speaking out against his actions. A recent Facebook note from Kevin Reynolds titled “Why I No Longer Like Tracy Morgan – A Must Read” tells of Reynold’s recent experience at that show and the things Morgan said that have inflamed the gay rights community. Reynolds says that he has a very thick skin when it comes to good humor, and that he’d been prepared for “a good ribbing of straight gay humor”, since he himself had been a fan of Morgan’s since his SNL days.

However, Reynolds went on to say that Morgan essentially “took it upon himself to mention about how he feels all this gay shit was crazy and that women are a gift from God and that ‘Born this Way’ is bulls-it, gay is a choice, and the reason he knows this is exactly because ‘God don’t make no mistakes’ (referring to God not making someone gay cause that would be a mistake).  He said that there is no way a woman could love and have sexual desire for another woman, that’s just a woman pretending because she hates a f–king man.  He took time to visit the bullshit of this bullying stuff and informed us that the gays needed to quit being pussies and not be whining about something as insignificant as bullying.” Apparently Morgan went on to say that “gay” was something that children learned from the media as well as programming.

But it doesn’t end there. Tracy Morgan has a son, and said at that show that if his son were gay he’d better talk to him (Morgan) like a man and not in the stereotypical high pitched effeminite voice people think all gay men have. More fun for Morgan’s son, I guess if his son does use the high pitched voice he would “stab the little (insert offensive ‘N’ word here) to death”. If someone who is gay takes offense to Morgan’s words, he doesn’t care either because he says that if a gay man can “take it up the (insert slang for donkey here), they can take a joke too”. Nice, huh? Reynolds, who keep in mind was in the audience, also states that during this portion of the show Morgan’s demeanor changed and seemed to be completely serious. “He was truly filled with some hate towards us.”

About 10-15 people left the auditorium at the time, but Reynolds stayed, stating that he knew Morgan wanted them to leave and to do so would be giving him that satisfaction. The Ryman auditorium, which housed Morgan’s show, stated that they do not control the content of the show but were also obviously apologetic for offense anyone may have taken. Evan Hurst, director of Truth Wins Out, issued a statement as well, saying that while comedians have long pushed the envelope with controversial subjects and good comedians are able to do it in a way that keeps people laughing but also that directing hatred at vulnerable kids isn’t funny by any means. I don’t know about all of you, but my opinion of this man has definitely changed.

Well, that’s it. I can hear the garbageman coming down the street and I need to get this out to the curb. You should probably make sure yours is out too! Don’t forget to come on into our forums and tell us what you think! Have a good Take Out The Trash story idea? Send a private message to KaysarRocks in our forums or leave a comment below!