America’s Next Top Model Finale! Who is crowned the 19th Top Model?

Wow! It seems like only yesterday I started this recap, its been a blast recapping it for y’all! Now onto the finale!

So we start of the show at the runway, which seems weird at first because I didn’t expect a 3 person final judging? But that’s what we end up getting. Tyra does her usual spiel going over the girls who are left in the competition, and then we finally get into the show I actually care about as we see the girls at there first of two photo-shoots of the episode for Nine-West!

Up first is Laura, and despite her looking absolutely stunning, I reckon I am not the only one who didn’t pay any attention to her because of the fight going on between Kelly and the photographer Jez. The whole thing is hilarious, and I think Kelly is just a bit power mad… saying that, she was right about them standing up. Anyway, Laura’s photo to me was amazing! This photo grabbed my attention instantly and I would definitely stop in any magazine to look at this, even though I am not the target audience so maybe that’s not a good thing…

 

Next up to the photo-shoot was Leila. On the shoot, she didn’t really get how they had to sell the shoes, and even though she is very high-fashioned she struggled grasping the commercial side of things. For me, the final photo was once again amazing. It just grabs me. I don’t know what it is about it, but it is a really was a great shot. It is what models are going to be doing in real life, photo-shoots like this show a lot more potential than some of the crazy stuff Tyra makes the girls do:

 

Finally up to the shoot is Kiara, even though she has been rocking the past couple of weeks, Joshua thinks she didn’t bring it in the photo-shoot. I have to agree. This is my least favorite shot. Her whole position turns me off, however, her body looks rocking!

 

Next up, Tyra shows us how the girls performed in their nylon campaigns. To cut things short, Laura and Kiara didn’t suck, however, Nylon seemed to be in love with Leila. At the end of the shoot, each of the girls were surprised by there parents or grandparents which obviously made for some very emotional TV, especially Kiara. Some people would say it was an over-reaction, but if what Kiara has said about her life is true, I thought it was very touching. I love Kiara’s grandmother by the way.

The Final Runway

Before we get to this there is some cut-scene to set the tone to the runway, lost spirits fighting for their bodies. Sophie, last years winner headlined the show, but no-ones eyes were on her that’s for sure.

First up was Laura. Her walk seemed OK, a bit stiff at times to me, but she didn’t stumble and she worked what she had. Next, Kiara. Now I have to say, she completely owned that runway, she was by far the best walker. Lastly, was poor poor Leila, now falling over on the runway is one thing, but falling over, getting up, not improving, falling over again then coming back on for your second walk still not recovered, it’s upsetting that’s for sure!

Judging

At judging, the judges gave each of the girls a score for the whole season. This combined with the average challenge score and their average fan score chose the winner. The girl with the least points was:

Leila I think this came down to her runway. She just couldn’t be a top model without a good runway walk. In my opinion she took the best photo’s of the season, but definitely had the worst runway walk out of the final 3. Along with this there was some discussion about limited personality?

Now, with the final 2 being Kiara and Laura, who is going to win. At this point, I had no idea who was going to win. Laura started strong but possibly waned? Kiara started weaker, but grew stronger with every week.

The winner of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 19 by 4.6 points is:

Personally I thought this was right, Laura had the mix of a good walk, with good photos. However, looking at Twitter and Facebook I know that the fans are not so happy. In my opinion she had the second best photos, and the second best walk. Does this constitute a win? Apparently. Congratulations Laura! You rocked some photo-shoots, and you had Kristin’s support, even though I doubt many people thought you were going to win at that final episode, you did!

Along with the title of Top Model, Laura also won the Luke award for best performance throughout the competition on my table. You can’t lie with numbers people. What do you guys think? The right person win?

 

Until next season,

Much Love

Luke.

Yak Exclusive: ANTM All Star Lisa D’Amato Speaks Up Against Bullying

America’s Next Top Model All Star (& ANTM Cycle 5) and one of my absolute FAVORITE people, Lisa D’Amato, took some time out of her busy schedule to send her thoughts, exclusively to the Yak, regarding bullying and the Anti-Bullying movement.

We would like to send a personal thanks and shout out to Lisa for taking the time to tell her story and be a part of this important movement. In an effort to join forces and increase awareness, we encourage you to share these stories with your friends and family and encourage continuous efforts to make a difference! We all are capable and we just hope that this motivates and encourages each and every one of us to take a stand and put a stop to bullying once and for all. YakkityYaks, don’t talk smack!

Here is Lisa’s story:

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[singlepic id=676 w=320 h=240 float=]When I was in elementary school, I was dealing with a crazy unmothering mom, a dad with a heart of gold, and a divorce and custody battle. My mom trying to win us over just to spite my dad and on top of that I was a kid that had no friends. There were these girls that would call me names all day everyday: ugly, stupid, disgusting etc. I was the girl who played tether ball by herself and would think about how to make these girls stop. I thought of the greatest plan! I was gonna buy them each a really nice Christmas present from Sanrio Surprises (Hello Kitty stuff) (I was in 4th grade)  in hopes that they would lay off of me a bit and maybe be nice to me. I saved all my birthday money amd garage sale money and wrapped really cute stuff for them after months of saving and gave them their gifts. After I gave them their presents with nice cards expressing how I’d love for them to be my friends, I ended up being an even bigger laughing stock of our whole 4th grade as the outcast trying to “buy friendship”. Everyone started asking me for presents laughing. I’ll never forget how horrible it was to be me and wished I could just disappear from life all together.

This didn’t stop for years. My mom won the custody battle and my sister and I’s life became lives of fear and pain. When you are coming of age and know that you are different then the rest it is heart breaking. There comes a point in your life when you kinda just snap and realize that maybe you don’t want or need their approval and wouldn’t want to be like them anyway. It comes kinda as a break down but truly it’s a break through!!!

Be you TIFUL!  If God wanted us all to be the same then why would he make us so different? Life is beautiful and it IS because of the ones that are so different: YOU! WE are the ones with the strength and power to be the voice of change and acceptance so that we can make the world a better place- not “THEM”.

Don’t stop dreaming and don’t stop working towards your dreams because this is your life not theirs. We all have our own individual journey’s, including theirs, but ours has a lot more bumps in the road to train us to be that much more powerful. They can buy their happiness by being weapons of mass consumption but they can never buy thick skin like what we have. We are indestructible because we have earned it and we own wings now! 🙂  We were put here to teach the ignorant and share beautiful stories of hope and courage. If anything, don’t read this as a message of “being accepted” but more of a message that you were brought here to be THE voice of love.

~Lisa D’Amato

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Now really, you see how silly these stupid bullies are? Calling Lisa ugly? Come on now! I wonder, where are these bullies now? WTG Lisa!

ANTM All-Star Lisa D’Amato, Keepin’ it Real and Flippin’ the Bird!

America’s Next Top Model Premiers tonight, Wednesday September 14, (9/8c) for their brand new All-Star Season, and we got the wonderful opportunity of sitting down with one of the All Star Models herself, Lisa D’Amato!

Lisa was originally on season 5 of America’s Next Top Model, and was probably most known for her edit as the “crazy girl”, but let me tell you, she is one of the most interesting, talented, genuine people that I have had the pleasure to chat with!

Here is a video to remind you (not that you should need any reminders) of Lisa’s Introduction to the judges on Season Five:

She spilled her thoughts to us on her original season, what it’s like to live with all the other models, what to look for on the new season and what she has been up to lately (which is a lot!)
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The Yak: What have you been up to since your season of ANTM?

Lisa: After ANTM, I continued modeling for the clients that knew me and loved me. I really wasn’t new clients’ cup of tea, especially after ANTM loved to indulge in my “party girl” footage, if ya will. All good though! I booked the lead role in a play called “Rumors” where I played a character named Trina and worked with major TV sitcom actors from Family Matters and touring comedians. It was amazing! Not to mention I put out music videos via youtube which garnished millions of views. You might remember my song Ace Of Spades as well as other tracks like My Name is LIsa and Can’t Touch It which graced Perez Hilton’s site, and were also featured on HBO’s Entourage.  With music and performing as my specialty in the performing arts, I have been touring the last 4 years nationwide. My album La Puchinetta dropped back in 2009 around the same time I went on VH1 and Dr. Drew’s Celeb Rehab where I tried to shake the image of being an “alcoholic” which ANTM helped label. Luckily for me, it was a life changing experience because I got therapy for childhood trauma. Our society has a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol & drugs in general! After watching people detox and serious life therapy, I have the upper hand in education on the subject and couldn’t be happier or healthier. :]

The Yak: How did you get chosen for your original season?

Lisa: My friends sent in an audition tape that they recorded for me. I had never really watched ANTM or TV in general. I think the reason I got chosen was because I was real and didn’t have preconceived notions about how I was going to be. I didn’t have a filter and my life story was interesting. I was very blunt and didn’t apologize for it. Going thru the long casting process, I found a lot of the girls to be fake and “playing a role” for the cameras. I was just me. Plus, I have been in the industry since I was 11 or 12 years old and understand the whole “paying dues” thing and I didn’t complain much. That why I think I got chosen.

The Yak: Are you looking forward to the new cycle of ANTM?

[singlepic id=637 w=320 h=240 float=left]Lisa: I’m looking for redemption. Hahaha! Also, I think there is no better way to set the record straight about who I am and what I represent more than to go straight to the source. I am a MULTI- TALENTED hard working inspiration to so many people. I drank some nights on cycle 5 because I thought I should have fun while I was there not thinking I would be exploited as an “alcoholic.” So this time around, I’m ready for some competition. This season is a branding season to find that triple threat and I’m actually MORE than that. My business card unravels to the floor- so bring it! :]  I sing, I dance, I act, I rap, I’m a seamstress, I’m a business women, and I’m a model. Don’t talk about it! BEEEE ABOUT IT!!!! The proof is in the pudding my friends. I’ve been living, doing ALL of THESE THINGS my whole life… Preparation Meets Opportunity is the key. I’ve been waiting for this.

The Yak: Were you excited to be asked back for the new season?

Lisa: To be asked back definitely felt good, but truly, ANTM really hurt me. I was devastated after it came out. I didn’t even watch my season after a couple episodes aired because I saw how the editing was going… I didn’t have to! People on the streets would say the most hurtful things to me. Since then, my life DID change for the better because of ANTM. Thanks to them I got to get therapy from Dr. Drew. Childhood trauma is something that weighs on your shoulders your whole life so I got to get through that.

The Yak: What was the experience like the first time around? Fun? Stressful? Was it less stressful the second time around?

Lisa: Cycle 5 was definitely every emotion I’ve ever felt, personally, for me. I was the outcast, I was good at challenges & photo shoots, all the girls hated me and talked shit about me while I was being super nice to them. I was constantly trying to stay positive and have fun while my childhood trauma’s soar spots were constantly being poked. I also was new to how reality shows worked. On cycle 5, I truly felt like I was getting backed into a corner a lot of the time which is why I was always fighting that and running around trying to keep my spirit up! Now I’m smarter and it’s only about checkmating these days. The tables are turning as they should.

The Yak: How was the experience of living with all those other girls?

Lisa: Cycle 5 was a nightmare living with the other girls. They were so insecure and immature and it showed with jealousy and backstabbing. The All-Stars seemed to be A LOT different. They are all more comfortable in their own skin. They have more experience and confidence and aren’t as threatened by every breath they take. It was refreshing! The All-Stars airs tonight so I don’t know what went on behind closed doors but we all know how it works now. :]

The Yak: What is Tyra like? For the matter, how do you feel about all the judges and Jay Manuel?

Lisa: I have mad respect for Tyra! I understand her position on the show a lot better and I feel she is starting to change for the better. I was mad angry at her for years but now I understand things a little differently. I think Tyra has a big heart, it just gets misunderstood, and different strings pull her in different ways. We are all a work in progress and mega stars and moguls are no different. Tyra is someone I’d love to look up to as much as I do Dr. Drew. So far so good. Miss J is one of my favorites… I think he and I just understand each others diversity better than most and he appreciates mine- I love that! Jay Manual is SOOO Talented. Soo Sooo talented and incredibly smart also. I wish things could be funny, not only when he says them sometimes, but that’s coming from a clown that wants that spot light too I guess. Nigel is so handsome! He knows it, though- I hate that. Hahaha! He really hurt my feelings when I finally watched cycle 5 but I understand now that they have their “roles”. I really like Nigel now. On Cycle 17 Nigel and I have a moment of clarity and it was refreshing for me that he went there with me… you’ll see. :] And, Andre hmmmm……. I always felt like on Cycle 17 at all the panels that Andre didn’t like me. I felt like he doesn’t understand me and doesn’t want to either, which kinda sucks cuz I think he is the cutest teddy bear ever. All I wanted to do was give him a big hug. But, I guess we’ll see! lol

The Yak: What was your favorite photo shoot on your season? What was your least favorite?

[singlepic id=639 w=320 h=240 float=left]Lisa: I would say that my favorite photo shoot on Cycle 5 was the superhero shoot. I love adrenalin and taking risks, so putting on a harness and getting raised up in the air and acting as a superhero is my JAM! I loved the country shoot also. That was fun!
My least favorite shoot was probably the plastic surgery shoot only because I had to listen to the other girls talk about how old and ugly I was while I was shooting. That sucked. My pic was great though! Haha!

The Yak: Looking at the upcoming season, anything we should be paying close attention to?

Lisa: The All-Stars season is truly an adrenalin rush. It kept us on our toes the whole time… it was like circus in the fast lane. NO JOKE. Which, I couldn’t have loved more. It was fun to have things move closer to my pace. I’m on the go at all times and it was fun to get the other girls to move at a faster pace. You will have to pay attention to everything!!! Don’t blink!! Hahaha!

The Yak: Rumor has that you had an album hit the streets?

[singlepic id=638 w=320 h=240 float=left]Lisa: Yep! My Sophomore Album Flippin’ The Bird is out NOW on Flippin' the Bird - Lisa D'Amato, Rhapsody, ShopLisa, EVERYWHERE. I have songs produced by The Cataracs, Aqua, Colin Hartel, Cisco Adler etc. This album is HOTTT!!! Whatever country you live in, you can get it! You can also get a signed copy if you want from ShopLisa.com!

The Yak: What are your influences musically?

Lisa: Madonna, Pink Floyd, and Michael Jackson are my main influences.

The Yak: How long have you been doing music?

Lisa: Music has been a huge obsession since I was a tater tot, but I have been professionally seeking it since I was 17 and signed to Maverick Records through my modeling agency. I’ve actually been signed 3 times… I guess 4th times a charm, hopefully. Although, I do love doing things independently also. Free reign to do whatever you want is nice! :]

The Yak: What made you decide to do music?

Lisa: Music chose me. Music is one thing I never get bored of. I love writing songs, recording them, dancing to them, performing them. Music is my mistress. And, I hope to die on the dance floor. :]

The Yak: Are you going to continue to do modeling or do you have other plans in future?

Lisa: I will aways do photo shoots, I will always perform whether it be music, acting, hosting, everything. Hollywood has always been my stomping ground and for good reason. I always will be doing things in the Entertainment Industry because my heart was married to it before I had anything to say about it. I’m working on quite a few projects but don’t wanna talk about them just yet. You’ll have to wait & see :]

The Yak: Is acting in the plan?

Lisa: I love acting! I trained 2 years at Playhouse West and 2 years at Howard Fine along with tons of workshops! I’d love to do more acting. When the right opportunity presents itself, I will tear that shit up! Hahaha! Until then, other projects have my full attention and I can’t wait to share them with the world.

The Yak: Do you still keep in touch with models from your previous season?

Lisa: Bre and Kim and Jayla from time to time… not much though. We all lead our own lives.

The Yak: You have so much energy. How do you do it?

Lisa: It’s gotta just be in my genes because my sister has 3 kids and she wears them out! I’ve always been incredibly active and a cross country runner, so that keeps my energy up too, I guess.

The Yak: What do you suggest to all the young girls who want to get into modeling, any words of wisdom for them?

Lisa: Sure. Modeling is such a narrow and limited career choice, not to mention the need for specific physical appearance specifications. It is a shallow industry because it has to be! That being said, I feel like girls want to model because of the “fame” and “glamour” but it is a lot of hard work and it’s a tedious schedule. If a girl has what it takes in terms of physical appearance, I say go for it but with parental supervision and if not, all these young girls and boys should really focus on what they actually really like to do. If you want to be in front of the camera, take some acting classes or workshops etc. I think our culture today is more about becoming “famous” more than it is about honing your craft. My main question for girls is what do you want to do? If they say be famous… well then we have a huge problem in our society.

The Yak: What has been your scariest moment in your modeling career?

Lisa: Hahaha! I have the most embarrassing. I was in Milan doing a HUGE fashion show for Sebastians International and they chose me to come down in this huge theater on a swing from the ceiling and fly over the whole audience… I had JUST started my period and just realized it when about to lift off into the audience and I was wearing a beautiful white flowing gown… After I was finished, the crew took off my harness and I made a huge stain on the dress and the SWING!! I made a joke about it and laughed it off but I went in the bathroom and cried for a sec. I was sooo embarrassed. I felt so bad :/

The Yak: What has been your happiest moment in your modeling career?

Lisa: The happiest moment in my modeling career was when I booked my very 1st National Guess Ad Campaign. I knew my world was going to change for life. Unfortunately, my mom ruined that for me and I never got to do it. The 2nd was when I booked a German catalog job where I made $5,000 in 4 hrs. I really needed it at the time. It was like God sent! Also, when I booked my very own commercials for H&M and Coca-Cola. Those were big moments for me… Those were all before Top Model, too!

The Yak: What’s next?

Lisa: What’s next is the true Redemption. It is the icing on the cake. You’ll have to wait and see. I am the best I’ve ever been and I think it shows. :]

The Yak: We think it shows too! Thank you so much Lisa! You are most awesome!

Lisa: To everyone – Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter and to check out all my fun adventures and my MUSIC! Also, check out my youtube videos of my parody nail salon called “Da’model Nails” featuring ANTM alumni on lisadamato.com!

And of course don’t forget to watch me on ANTM All-Stars on Wednesday nights on the CW… I might just surprise you. :]

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What an incredible girl! Have something to tell Lisa? Sound off below, then be sure to come join us in the forum HERE for ANTM and all other Reality Show Chat!

Yak’s Reality Roundup: Inaugural Edition

Welcome to our inaugural edition of Yak’s Reality Roundup. The usual installments of this weekly feature at YY will usually appear on Mondays, however, we thought it would be a good idea to premiere one of our new features today as summer reality TV comes to an end and fall reality TV begins its domination. Each week, we’ll take a look at what’s in store for us on some of our favorite reality shows. We’re not limited to which shows we include, so if you have a request, please let us know below in our comment section or in our forums! Don’t be shy … we listen to you! Without further adieu, time to round up the Yak’s reality picks of the week!

Big Brother 13

After a long and grueling summer, starting with someone leaving the game before the show’s network premiere, Big Brother 13 comes to an end and will crown it’s winner tonight on the season finale on CBS. The finale tonight airs immediately after the season premiere of Survivor: South Pacific at 9:30/8:30c. The finale three contestants, Rachel, Porsche, and Adam, battle it out in a 3-part competition for the final Head of Household, earning the right to pick who they will sit with when they face the jury. The finale will also revisit the jury house one last time as Kalia makes her way there. We’ll be getting a peek at the jury deliberations as they discuss who they believe should win Big Brother 13’s $500,000 cash prize. Don’t miss tonight’s cast reunion show, as well, where secrets are bound to be exposed and personalities will clash. Who do you want to see walk away with the grand prize? A Big Brother vet or a newbie? Fear that you’ll already miss Big Brother? No worries … rest assured the show will be back in the summer of ’12 with an all-new season! And don’t miss our EXCLUSIVE interviews with the runner-up and winner of Big Brother 13 later this week!

America’s Got Talent

Tonight, NBC boasts a night full of surprises and special guests as the peacock puts an end to it’s staple (and successful) summer alternative program, as the network calls it. The live two-hour season finale boasts some of the biggest names in music and entertainment taking the stage with the show’s finalists. NBC has just announced that performers Stevie Wonder, Patti LaBelle, LeAnn Rimes, Cobra Starship with Sabi and OneRepublic will join previously announced performers Tony Bennett with Queen Latifah, Season 5 finalist Jackie Evancho, Def Leppard and Cirque du Soleil. Wonder, LaBelle, Rimes and Cobra Starship with Sabi are slated to perform duets with POPLYFE, Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., Silhouettes, and Team iLuminate respectively. One of the four finalists will be crowned the winner. Who would you like to see take home the crown? Watch tonight’s finale with fans right here in our forum! AGT’s final airs TONIGHT at 8/7c on NBC!

Survivor: South Pacific

Last season, Survivor added a new game-changing twist…Redemption Island. This season, Survivor brings Redemption Island back, promising new twists along the way. Not only is Survivor bringing back Redemption Island, but they’re taking a page out of their book from last season and bringing back two former contestants to help “guide” the new castaways. Ozzy the ultimate physical competitor and Coach the “Dragonslayer” make their way back to life on a stranded. The theme of the season appears to be changes as the immunity idol will also pick up a change or two in how it’s claimed by a player this season. Are you looking forward to the return of Ozzy and/or Coach? Which new castaway are you rooting for pre-show? As always, join us in our forums as we discuss each episode together when it airs! Survivor, hosted by Emmy winner Jeff Probst, premieres TONIGHT at 8/7c on CBS!

Watch an exclusive preview of the first minute of tonight’s premiere below!

America’s Next Top Model

Top Model returns this season with 14 of your fan favorites from season’s past. This new all-star competition season will not only feature familiar competitive faces, but you can expect the likes of the Kardashians, Nicki Minaj, Kathy Griffin and more celebrity guests judging the competition. In addition to exposure to prolific fashion-industry gurus and successful entrepreneurs, the finalists will compete in complicated catwalks, ambitious fashion photo shoots and work to carefully craft their public personas, all under 24-hour-a-day surveillance of the cameras that chronicle every move. Which former contestants are you excited to see back competing for the title. Watch with fans HERE in our forums as we discuss the season’s happenings. Plus, look our for our season’s first interview with Season 5’s Lisa Damato, as she prepares to return to the catwalk this fall! ANTM premieres tonight at 9/8c on the CW!

Top Chef: Just Desserts

While this Bravo hit isn’t premiering or ending tonight, the competition continues on with yet another grueling week at impressing the judges with quality and incomparable desserts. The chefs have the test of their lives as they work together to replicate the world of wonka. As the original cast of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory grace the small screen as guests of the latest installment of the Emmy winning reality competition, the chefs are forced to stretch their imaginations to the limit. Who will succeed and who will fail miserably? Which chef will be asked to pack up their knives? Find out TONIGHT at 10/9c on Bravo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHJBatMKxek

Saint Dagame’s Sermon

Greetings once again my loyal congregation, it’s time once again for a sermon that will have a major impact on your humble lives. One of the oldest sins there’s been is greed and where Gordon Gecko thought “greed is good” sometimes this is not the case. Sometimes the efforts of trying to part another person of their hard earned money can be downright lame and today I shall show you examples of such lameness. I will use the lady of lame, Ashley of Rock of Bus and Charm School fame as my grading system with the more Ashleys meaning the more lame. Let’s broaden our minds….Lawrence!!!  (click pics to make larger)

Jon & Kate Plus 8 Know Your Gosselins T-Shirt

[singlepic id=147 w=240 h=160 float=left]This shirt asks the simple question “Do You Know Your Gosselins?” and I can answer back “No, but a divorce court judge will soon”. Seriously the thought of someone walking around with a shirt that has pictures of children they don’t personally is beyond creepy so I’ll leave this one to the pedophiles. On the plus side, I heard that’s it’s going to be the height of fashion on To Catch A Predator.

Lameness: [singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

Project Runway “Make It Work” Necklace

[singlepic id=148 w=120 h=120 float=left]Yes you too can mix urban fashion with the catchphrase of Project Runway with this necklace. This necklace should come with a warning that says “Not to be worn to any frat party or first online date. If a guy fixes you a drink and you hear Dave Matthews while wearing run while you still have a chance” Oh the terror isn’t for the ladies either because I’m sure some guy has see some drunk, fat frau thinking she’s Lady Marmalade shaking it between her “moneymakers” just like her Darrin’s Dance Grove DVD taught her. Clear the floor indeed!!!

Lameness:[singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

Survivor USB Drive

[singlepic id=149 w=320 h=150 float=left]There was a television commercial script that was scrapped for this piece of fan fare that one of my congregation sent to me which I will share with you now.

:fade in college dorm:

Johnnie: Hey Terry, Rob left his amazing Survivor USB drive here when he was here studying.

Terry: That drive is super awesome. I wonder what he keeps on there?

Johnnie: His secret alliances?

Terry: The map to all water sources?

Johnnie: Plans on how to win all the immunity challenges?

Terry: Let’s hook it into your laptop and find out!

:Johnnie puts drive in laptop and sits for seconds in shocked silence:

Terry: Well whats on it?

Johnnie: It’s his collection of lucha libre midget porn. :throws laptop down:

Both: EWWWWW

Lameness: [singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

The Apprentice Slot Machine

[singlepic id=150 w=100 h=180 float=left]If you’re ever unfortunate enough to find yourselves at a Trump casino then a real treat awaits you in the form of The Apprentice slot machine. For those of you that know a thing or two about a slot machine, it’s a blatant rip off of the Wheel of Fortune slots but I’m sure in the wigged wonder’s mind it was all his idea. He also thought there was nothing more classy or luxurious than having some nickel slinging granny hear him proclaim “You’re fired” while raking in the big $2 jackpot.

Lameness:[singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

A Shot At Love Wifebeater

[singlepic id=151 w=180 h=260 float=left]Some people called the show groundbreaking for being a bisexual dating show but for teen boys it was high grade porn. How does MTV thank those women who could appreciate the unique nature of the show? They offer the ultimate lesbian stereotype. a wifebeater with the show’s logo on it. I guess Birkenstock and Indigo Girls turned them down for additional tie ins but MTV should’ve just went with a Lord of The Rings tie in considering homegirl looks like Gollum.

Lameness: [singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

America’s Next Top Model Doll

[singlepic id=152 w=120 h=200 float=left]Do you want your daughter to be one judgmental bitch? Do you want your child to shatter self esteems and dreams at the same time while not having the hassle of being famous? Would you like your child to be the next Ms J or Janice Dickinson then this is the perfect toy for them. This is as authentic as gets from the bones sticking out, included Polaroid before picture right down to the smell of bulemia and self esteem. I can’t give this a high lame rating because if a certain mother had this doll when she was a child, the American viewing public wouldn’t have been subjected to this….[singlepic id=153 w=40 h=100 float=center]

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American Idol Ice Cream

[singlepic id=154 w=320 h=240 float=left]For those who can’t get enough of the American Idol marketing machine there’s AI ice cream. They give you the full AI experience by letting you vote on the flavor they should make a permanent selection and when the others lose they become sour grape flavor. Here’s the secret they don’t want you to know… ever wonder what happened to Brian Dunkleman and all of the unsold copies of From Justin to Kelly? That’s right American Idol ice cream is made of Dunkleman and shite movies. Next year they’re going to try and have a new flavor Tatiana Toffee so Tatiana if you’re reading this…….RUN GIRL RUN!!!!

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Lesson to Be Learned

You work hard for your money so don’t fall for foolish attempts to get it by catering to your fan boy/girl side. Always ask yourself this one question “If this product didn’t have my favorite show on it would I pay the inflated price for it? ”

The lesson has been taught now go forth and spread your new found knowledge to the world safely knowing that Saint Dagame loves each and every one of you.