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Internet Friendships…

I’ve had my fair share of friends I’ve met over the internet… most have come and gone, but some are closer to me than friends I may see everyday. And really, I’ve only had one standout bad experience… and still today it lingers.

With the Manti Te’o scandal, the college football player from Notre Dame that had some kind of internet relationship with a girl who may or may not have had cancer & also at some point was to have died, but later was discovered she was alive (sounds too much like a Jerry Springer episode to me!!)…. I really don’t know the full story well, but when this story hit, it really made me think about things.

Until the summer of 2011, most of my internet friendships were nothing more than friending someone on Facebook (or prior to that, MySpace) to gain neighbors or friends for some sort of online game I was playing, like FarmVille or the variety. I never really talked to them or got to know them at all, they just sent me stuff for my farm, or a extra life some other game I may have been addicted to at the time, but other than that, they were just a face on my wall… I actually still have a select few who I’ve decided to keep around, even though I really don’t know them well, but they post interesting things & feel they add to my life in one way or another.

But my love for reality has broadened my horizons & have found some more lasting friendships who I have more in common with, like the forum at (what I call) The Yak. There are others, who shall not be named, but similar in format to what we see at The Yak.

I have found some of the most unlikely friendships. For most of these friends I’ve found I know without a shadow of doubt they are true friends, and know they add value to me and my life. Some I would even consider best friends, and know me more better than I know myself. It so much easier to be myself with them, partly because I think being behind a computer screen and not face-to-face makes it easier to be more brave and/or vulnerable, to show the sides you might hide from people you have direct contact with… seeing someones face and/or reaction when you disappoint or not live up to expectations is sometimes the worst to overcome.

And this is where my reason for writing this comes in. One friendship in particular has had me so confused with myself and it still lingers. Why?? This is someone who I stuck up for when no one else did, believed in and never gave up… yet whenever I let myself think about the situation or this person is involved in, I feel so bitter… and I still can’t put my finger on the exact reason why I can’t just let go. This person no longer matters to me, or maybe I’m just trying to convince myself that I don’t care… I think it’s obvious I do care, but why or why should I?? Uhhhgggg… I hate it! Whenever I try to deal with it and why I feel this way, I usually end up in tears… and no answers.

I tried to tell myself that I need to back away from meeting friends online, or at least not letting myself get attached… and it was once pointed out to me that I have unrealistic expectations when it comes to my (online) friendships, and I do believe this is true. The person that told me this is someone I talk to everyday without fail, yet I’ve never met in person… but feel like I’ve known my whole life. I think the friends I’ve made online have spoiled me, so maybe I can just blame them for my unrealistic expectations! HA!!

Truth is, I really want to let go… but haven’t figured out the magic potion to release me from whatever it is that’s holding on?? I value each and every friendship I have, because I spent some of my early childhood without friends (which I might touch on sometime in the future), and I NEVER want to feel that alone again. So part of letting go of this person goes against the grain of what I believe, yet dealing with the bitterness I feel isn’t doing me much good either, sigh…. In closing, I’m still as confused as I ever was but writing always helps clear my mind!!!! Bottomline, I love the friends I’ve made online, so I don’t think this will stop me from making more, but it will make me more leary on how much I put into someone I really don’t know. The ones I’ve made definitely outweigh this one bad experience.

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Yak Roundup: Grammys Request Clothes, TV Friends Reunion, iTune’s 25 Billion Sales

tvyakAs but a supplement to our reports and features here at YakkityYaks, we’d like to (re)introduce our Yak Roundup where we will sift through some of the days news and round them up in our stable. On today’s agenda, the Grammys send an odd email to those attending Sunday’s big show, plus a Friends reunion coming to a TV near you and just who is iTunes 25,000,000,000th song sold?

Problematic Thongs at the Grammys |

Late Wednesday afternoon, the Grammys and CBS sent an email to those that will be in attendance Sunday night when the Grammys air LIVE from the Staples Center in LA. What was the subject of this email, you ask? Well, it was your typical “Subject: 55th GRAMMYS: Standard And Practice Wardrobe Advisory.” The email speaks for itself, so we’ve procured a copy for your reading pleasure.

CBS Program Practices advises that all talent appearing on camera please adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.

Go On - Season 1

Monica & Chandler Bing Reunited |

NBC announced a Friends reunion that will take place on their freshman comedy “Go On.” Matthew Perry and Courtney Cox will reunite on screen when Cox guest stars as a potential love interest for Perry’s character on the NBC sitcom. The guest stint will likely air on an episode in April and will be introduced to Ryan King through Anne (Julie White). Here’s hoping this guest stint turns into a potential recurring character!

iTunes Hits 25 Billionth Song Sold |

Wednesday afternoon marked the record number sale for iTunes. Since it’s inception, the platform has now sold more than 25 billion songs. What song made the cut for this bit of trivia you’ll want to use to impress your friends? “Monkey Drums (Goskel Vancin Remix)” by Chase Buch. The company released a statement on Wednesday saying that Phillip Lupke of Germany made the record purchase. As a reward, he will receive a 10,000 Euros iTunes gift card, equivalent to about $13,500. The store launched just under 10 years ago and has just hit the milestone before it’s 10th Anniversary this April.

In reality news, MTV has renewed “Buckwild” for a second season, while E! announced plans to bring you a reality series centered around boy band sensation The Wanted. The series will be produced by Ryan Seacrest Productions. Big Brother Canada announced late Wednesday that the show will air its first LIVE eviction on Night 2 after the houseguests move into the house. Details on how you can be a part of the audience are below.

Contact bbcaudience@insighttv.com with the subject line: Big Brother Canada Tickets for [Date Requested]. Be sure to include name, email address and phone number, as well the number of tickets you’d like to request (be within reason). Tickets will go fast, so send your emails now! You must be in the Toronto area or provide your own travel.

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Reflections…

Refelctions

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reflecting on 2012 has been more difficult for me than it’s ever been. I had high hopes… My motto coming into 2012 was for no expectations, and without even realizing it, I entered the New Year with a ton of them, setting myself up for failure from day 1… Or so it felt like failure as I started to reflect.

I find myself in a place in life were I almost feel stuck… Stuck between my own reality and my dream of a stable rewarding life, trying to find that balance in the middle that completes me. Stuck…

What has 2012 done for me?? The more I think of that question, the more positive my outlook on 2013 becomes, but I’ll explain more on that later. In this past year I started school… A blessing and a burden at the same time. The blessing… I’m following my heart to begin a career and the life I set aside when I became a mom 20 years ago. The burden… Time and stress. Managing school and life is much harder than it appears from the outside… And sometimes I feel unsure if I can take anymore, but I always manage to figure it out. Even when I was working full time, I feel like I had more time than I do now.

Also, in this past year I’ve started to rebuild my relationship with my son… And this alone is huge for me. Although it’s been 3 birthdays and Christmas’s that I haven’t been able to spend with him, I at least got a text from him on Christmas this year and I get periodic phone calls and texts that keep my head from running away from me. Just in this year alone, I felt the ultimate rejection from him (not intentional), but all was forgotten in a long awaited and unexpected hug in the middle of a gas station parking lot… And I got to tell him I love him unconditionally, face to face… And for once, I believe he heard me and more importantly… He believed me.

Going into 2013 comes with a ton of uncertainty? I know that I must find a job within the next 5 months, and a new place to live in the next 10 days. Both to me are scary, especially in this economy that’s supposedly on its way out of a recession, although most people I know don’t see it, including me. But what scares me most is where I fit in anymore? I’m 38… And sometimes just as confused about life as if I were 8? Wait, not 8… Even though at that age I was bullied everyday and didn’t know why… I was a kid and it was so much easier to bounce back… No responsibilities. More like confused about life like if were 18… but looking back, I had more direction then than I do now… and as I said already, I find myself in a place in life where I almost feel stuck… Stuck between my own reality and my dream of a stable rewarding life, trying to find that balance in the middle that completes me. Stuck…

This is what thinking about what 2012 has done for me, makes me more positive for 2013. I wanted to go into 2012 with no expeditions, but it’s apparent I had many expectations judging by how disappointed I was when I 1st started reflecting on the year… But I’ve quickly realized it’s the little things that matter most!

Completing a full year of school with a 3.96 GPA, reconnecting with Levi, making new friends (ahem, mostly the virtual variety… But to me a friend is friend!), new babies on the way (not mine! But my son and his girlfriend, my son’s 1st baby mama and her boyfriend, and my neice and her boyfriend are all expecting babies in 2013), reconnecting with old friends and building stronger friendships with current friends, discovering myself and learning to love who I am.

There is more, but the most important is knowing that I made it through another year… Alive… laughing, loving, crying, caring, dancing, discovering, managing…. And for that I am thankful!

I’m thankful that my mom and dad (stepdad, but dad just-the-same) accept me for me, when I know other parents don’t because they aren’t perfect in their eyes, whether they are gay, finding a different religion or philosophy in life, too short, or too fat… I am blessed my they love me for me, period… As all children should be, young or old.

I’m thankful for my sister… For this year I’ve truly experienced her unconditional love… It’s always been there, but I finally accepted it without question. I just can’t imagine my life without her, and often feel guilty that I don’t have to share her… Everyone in this world should have a sister like her, this world would truly be a better place. She single-handily provides me with happiness everyday, who else can say that.

I’m thankful for my husband… Because he is my only hug most days, and I need them! We’ve been married almost 20 years, and times aren’t always easy… and in days when I feel we have grown too far apart, he finds a way to bring us close again.

And I’m thankful for my friends… Every single one of them! Those from grade school, to past jobs and everyone in between. And I must give a special shout-out to those I only know in the virtual world, some of you know me better than friends I might see every day. I don’t get to spend much time with friends like I once used to? I don’t go hang out with anyone, go out on the town, scrapbook or Bunko anymore… Partly because of time, but I guess partly I’m out-of-sight, out-of-mind to most. Which is fine mostly, because with school I don’t have as much time anyway.

So, as for 2013… I offer no promises… Just to be me, try to stay positive, never give up and take some chances. Don’t have resolutions, but maybe some goals without a time limit? I want to live healthier… Meaning, I don’t want to profess to be skinny by year end, I just want to be healthy, wherever that takes me is fine. I want to live happier, and not sweat the small stuff anymore and commit to smiling everyday, whether I mean it or not… It can change my day or even some one else’s day if I share my smile with them. I want to live more honestly, within myself… And learn each day to love the flaws that make me me, and be ok with them. And use my sister’s advice, to drink lots of water and remember when life gets hard, take time to breathe.

Goodbye 2012….