Reflecting on 2012 has been more difficult for me than it’s ever been. I had high hopes… My motto coming into 2012 was for no expectations, and without even realizing it, I entered the New Year with a ton of them, setting myself up for failure from day 1… Or so it felt like failure as I started to reflect.

I find myself in a place in life were I almost feel stuck… Stuck between my own reality and my dream of a stable rewarding life, trying to find that balance in the middle that completes me. Stuck…

What has 2012 done for me?? The more I think of that question, the more positive my outlook on 2013 becomes, but I’ll explain more on that later. In this past year I started school… A blessing and a burden at the same time. The blessing… I’m following my heart to begin a career and the life I set aside when I became a mom 20 years ago. The burden… Time and stress. Managing school and life is much harder than it appears from the outside… And sometimes I feel unsure if I can take anymore, but I always manage to figure it out. Even when I was working full time, I feel like I had more time than I do now.

Also, in this past year I’ve started to rebuild my relationship with my son… And this alone is huge for me. Although it’s been 3 birthdays and Christmas’s that I haven’t been able to spend with him, I at least got a text from him on Christmas this year and I get periodic phone calls and texts that keep my head from running away from me. Just in this year alone, I felt the ultimate rejection from him (not intentional), but all was forgotten in a long awaited and unexpected hug in the middle of a gas station parking lot… And I got to tell him I love him unconditionally, face to face… And for once, I believe he heard me and more importantly… He believed me.

Going into 2013 comes with a ton of uncertainty? I know that I must find a job within the next 5 months, and a new place to live in the next 10 days. Both to me are scary, especially in this economy that’s supposedly on its way out of a recession, although most people I know don’t see it, including me. But what scares me most is where I fit in anymore? I’m 38… And sometimes just as confused about life as if I were 8? Wait, not 8… Even though at that age I was bullied everyday and didn’t know why… I was a kid and it was so much easier to bounce back… No responsibilities. More like confused about life like if were 18… but looking back, I had more direction then than I do now… and as I said already, I find myself in a place in life where I almost feel stuck… Stuck between my own reality and my dream of a stable rewarding life, trying to find that balance in the middle that completes me. Stuck…

This is what thinking about what 2012 has done for me, makes me more positive for 2013. I wanted to go into 2012 with no expeditions, but it’s apparent I had many expectations judging by how disappointed I was when I 1st started reflecting on the year… But I’ve quickly realized it’s the little things that matter most!

Completing a full year of school with a 3.96 GPA, reconnecting with Levi, making new friends (ahem, mostly the virtual variety… But to me a friend is friend!), new babies on the way (not mine! But my son and his girlfriend, my son’s 1st baby mama and her boyfriend, and my neice and her boyfriend are all expecting babies in 2013), reconnecting with old friends and building stronger friendships with current friends, discovering myself and learning to love who I am.

There is more, but the most important is knowing that I made it through another year… Alive… laughing, loving, crying, caring, dancing, discovering, managing…. And for that I am thankful!

I’m thankful that my mom and dad (stepdad, but dad just-the-same) accept me for me, when I know other parents don’t because they aren’t perfect in their eyes, whether they are gay, finding a different religion or philosophy in life, too short, or too fat… I am blessed my they love me for me, period… As all children should be, young or old.

I’m thankful for my sister… For this year I’ve truly experienced her unconditional love… It’s always been there, but I finally accepted it without question. I just can’t imagine my life without her, and often feel guilty that I don’t have to share her… Everyone in this world should have a sister like her, this world would truly be a better place. She single-handily provides me with happiness everyday, who else can say that.

I’m thankful for my husband… Because he is my only hug most days, and I need them! We’ve been married almost 20 years, and times aren’t always easy… and in days when I feel we have grown too far apart, he finds a way to bring us close again.

And I’m thankful for my friends… Every single one of them! Those from grade school, to past jobs and everyone in between. And I must give a special shout-out to those I only know in the virtual world, some of you know me better than friends I might see every day. I don’t get to spend much time with friends like I once used to? I don’t go hang out with anyone, go out on the town, scrapbook or Bunko anymore… Partly because of time, but I guess partly I’m out-of-sight, out-of-mind to most. Which is fine mostly, because with school I don’t have as much time anyway.

So, as for 2013… I offer no promises… Just to be me, try to stay positive, never give up and take some chances. Don’t have resolutions, but maybe some goals without a time limit? I want to live healthier… Meaning, I don’t want to profess to be skinny by year end, I just want to be healthy, wherever that takes me is fine. I want to live happier, and not sweat the small stuff anymore and commit to smiling everyday, whether I mean it or not… It can change my day or even some one else’s day if I share my smile with them. I want to live more honestly, within myself… And learn each day to love the flaws that make me me, and be ok with them. And use my sister’s advice, to drink lots of water and remember when life gets hard, take time to breathe.

Goodbye 2012….

Finally Blogging! New Year Resolutions: Social Media Clean Up, The HCG Diet!

new-years-eveIt’s time once again to welcome in the New Year and say goodbye to the old. Some of us are very happy to see this last one go and look forward to what the New Year will bring, while others aren’t so optimistic. I happen to be in the first group, therefore, have decided to start this blog off with my New Year Resolutions. This, of course, is after I sprinkle the Kosher Salt in front of all the entries to my home, make my New Year wishes while lighting candles and make sure a tall dark handsome male will be the first through my front door. (I will get my son to do that job!) If there is New Year Voodoo I’m missing here, do let me know below!

My first resolution? Blog.

Yes, The Yak has had this blog for quite some time now. (As you can see from the first post, since 2011!) We set it up, got it all ready to go, then just left it here with test posts waiting for a miracle to happen I guess. Well, that didn’t happen. I guess blogging actually takes someone sitting down and writing down their thoughts… Who knew? So from this day forward, us Yaksters have decided to blog. Hopefully it’s entertaining, informative, emotionally inducing in one way or the other and well, read by someone out there. We are also hoping to get some guests bloggers every now and again that you may enjoy, so stay tuned!

My second resolution, clean up my social media.

socialmediacleanupWhat I mean by that is to dispel the negativity in my life, beginning with social media. This past year I have seen my Facebook feed go WAY downhill. Between the elections and political posts, Newtown and Gun arguments, etc. going onto Facebook is just not so much fun anymore. I have actually had to “hide” friends feeds from showing up in my timeline. So I asked myself, why have “friends” that you have to hide? If I have absolutely (apparently) nothing in common with them, from politics to religion to even daily thoughts, why are they a friend to begin with? People have asked me “What about Family that you don’t agree with?” Well, I will probably still keep family (but hide their posts for the most part) but those are blood related to me, I can’t do anything about that. However, I can do something about people I have never really met in real life, or old High School buddies that just aren’t compatible with me anymore. I’m just tired of seeing post after post of fear, negativity, and quite frankly, false crap from places like “” posing as the latest news source. Anyone can make a site that looks real “newsy” and call it something like “The U.S. Herald” or some such thing, then post conspiracy after conspiracy. I am appalled by just how many people believe these things, then share them all over Facebook, Twitter and the like. No one has the time of day to constantly fact check them, then argue all day about it. (Heck, I even had one person tell me, when I decided to post on one of their posts, that “How dare I post on things they post on their Facebook Status!” I kinda thought that was what sharing was all about, but ummm, ok?) People are going to believe what fits their agenda unfortunately, and I say, let them. To each their own. If that’s how they wish to spend their days and make everyone who is “friends” with them spend their days, then more power to them. That doesn’t mean though that I need to read this negativity constantly streaming through my feed, hide people, or walk on eggshells every time I post. They can all have fun (or fear and negativity) on their own. I am going to consciously choose not to participate. Maybe, just maybe, if we all did this who are sick of it, they would get the hint?

My third resolution – Diet

hcg-diet-recipesHere we go again. Another year, another diet. I have done them all. Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Atkins etc.. The latter was always my go to. See, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroid in 2010. How long I had this problem I have no idea. I had the symptoms of it for, well, as long as I can remember. You name the problem, I pretty much had it. I somehow managed to not let myself get too high up there on the scale, mainly because of eating low carb for the most of the last decade, but always that chubbiness I could never get rid of, along with the sluggishness and aches/pains that go along with it.

This last year, towards the end of the year, I discovered the HCG Diet. This has changed everything. I did one round so far, before the holidays, and lost 25 pounds. Course then the holidays rolled up and I didn’t diet at all… So yeah, I got a little of that back. That’s ok though, I expected that. I mean, kinda like the blog doesn’t write itself, eating the Thanksgiving and Christmas goodies and still losing weight would take a miracle. Alas, my next round of the HCG Diet is coming up. I am due to start somewhere at the beginning of January and will be sure to blog about it. Anyone not familiar with this diet, stay tuned, I will provide info and links on the what and how. If you really want to know somewhat about it right this minute, you can read “Pounds and Inches” by Dr. Simeons. You can get the book for FREE online here: dr-simeons-manuscript. If you are looking for more info after reading that, you can also leave a comment below or come on into the Yak’s Forum HERE and post, or send a private message to me there, (TheKdd). I would be more than happy to help get you started.

Now the HCG Diet is not for everyone, you will read about that in the book. Also, though, it takes some heavy duty devotion to the diet. Thing is, the way I got through it, it’s only 24-42 days. (You choose the length based on how much you have to lose.) So I thought… heck, what’s a month out of my life? So devoted I was, to the letter… and devoted I will be again. You go through phases and rounds of the diet, as you will read. I have done one longer round and plan on doing two more shorter ones. That should get me where I want to be. Anyone else going on this journey, or any diet journey for that matter, leave a comment! We can do this together!

Resolution Number Four: Walk the Dogs

dog-walkingI really hate putting resolutions on paper (or a Blog) for all to see, mainly because at the end of 2013, I will have to look back at this and see what I didn’t follow through on. Hopefully this isn’t one of them. I do walk my dogs, sometimes, or get my kids to do it… but I know they want more time with me, and it’s healthy, so why am I not doing it? I could say because I’m blogging, but we all know that isn’t true. How about because I’m tired. Yeah that’s it. I’m tired. No? Too busy? Ugh. Fine. I will walk the dogs more. I know they will love that.

Resolution Number Five: Follow Through with Resolutions

NYRchart Ok well this one is a given. I think everyone needs to have this resolution. Every year we say we are going to do this or that or what not just to repeat it again for the next year. I have even read about people who think resolutions are stupid and to just not make them. Forget those people… negative nellies. Yes, not following through can disappoint but not making them so you don’t disappoint? So let’s not try and better ourselves so we don’t disappoint. That doesn’t even make sense. So yeah, FOLLOW THROUGH.


Now of course there are a few more resolutions I haven’t covered here but I think I got the main ones up top. What are your resolutions? Post them below so we can all follow along (and there is a record of it. Muahahahaha.) No going back once it’s in print!