The Yak Takes Out The Trash! June 3rd, 2011

Hello everyone, it’s time for the Yak to take out the trash! Every week we’ll have all those little bits and pieces of buzz that we felt needed to be shared and dumped at the same time. Recycled, if you will. But either way, we’re here to dish the dirt before it heads off to the landfill.

Well, well, well, could the “twilight” be fading just a bit for one of the hit movie series’ stars? Taylor Lautner, set to appear in the movie “Abduction” in September (actor/producer), has been dropped by his publicist Robin Baum, of Slate PR. After just three months, Baum, who also reps Johnny Depp and Daniel Craig, abruptly dropped Lautner. Baum hasn’t commented on reasons, and Lautner’s management couldn’t be reached for comment but word on the street is that Lautner’s father, Daniel Lautner, isn’t exactly an easy guy to work with. taylordaniellautnerJust a tip for you, Daddy Lautner……go google Michael Lohan and see how far being an overbearing stage father gets you.

This past Wednesday, Simon Cowell, executive producer of hit series Britan’s Got Talent and X-Factor, angrily denied allegations that the winners of said series had been picked from the very start. simoncowellOr rather, Syco, Cowell’s production company, dismissed the allegations as being “100% totally false”. Reps for the company told the Hollywood Reporter that they were taking legal action against a website for posting a memo purportedly from a Sony Music exec which said they had insider knowledge of the “fix”. One of the allegations made was that Ronan Parke, the 12 year old favored to win Saturday’s final of Britain’s Got Talent, has been under contract by Syco and groomed for the past two years for the show. ronanparkeParke, who is getting Justin Bieber comparisons, was also according to this memo, told to play up his youthful looks and to be more effeminate. (Sorry, but what 12 year old wouldn’t have youthful looks?). This memo went on to say that Parke had been picked to win before auditions for the 2011 series had even begun. Producers of the show emphatically state that the blog, which has been widely spread on the web, is completely false. Well..hmmm..there’s always conspiracy theories when it comes to shows like this and while I’d like to think they’re false, it’s also been apparent on many seasons of various shows such as American Idol, etc. that the judges do have their favorites and at points have not been so subtle in their urging of fans to vote for them. Plus, if you read the fine print at the end of shows such as Idol, and even Project Runway, it does state that the producers of the show do have a final say in the results themselves. I’m not sure what to think about this honestly.

Who wants to see J-Lo in the buff? Well,  her first husband, Ojani Noa, wants to help you. ojani-noa-and-jennifer-lopezApparently he has been shopping around one of the all too common celebrity sex tapes of himself and Mrs. Marc Anthony. He’s gotten bids too, from major porn companies, of the alleged “honeymoon sex tape”. Anyone remember “A Night in Paris?”. Starting bids of the hundreds of thousands of dollars are expected to skyrocket into the millions now that several top-tier porn companies have entered the bidding war. J-Lo has apparently fought for years to keep this tape under wraps, as the footage itself comes from the 1997 honeymoon (before she broke out into total fame) and apparently has 27 hours of footage, with 15-20 minutes of total nudity in it. What I find funny is that all these porn companies are salivating to get their hands on the footage, yet Noa’s producing partner, Claudia Vazquez, states that it’s not technically a “sex tape” either. The marriage was short-lived, as they divorced after a year, and for several years after that they were on good terms. It’s because of that amicability that Noa got many possessions, including the tapes themselves (seriously J-Lo?).

Eventually Noa and Lopez had a falling out, over her firing of him from her restaurant and later over a “tell-all” and biopic that Noa and Vazquez were trying to produce. During the research for this biopic, they discovered this footage. Lopez managed to block the tell-all book in 2006, however, last week a Los Angeles judge cleared the tapes for release. So from the looks of it, we’ll get a view of Lopez we have never seen before….I wonder if it’ll be on the floor, London to Ibiza. What do you think?

Hey, join us in our forums and let’s chat, about this and everything else we have there! Look up, you’ll see the link to it there!

Saint Dagame’s Sermon

Greetings once again my loyal congregation, it’s time once again for a sermon that will have a major impact on your humble lives. One of the oldest sins there’s been is greed and where Gordon Gecko thought “greed is good” sometimes this is not the case. Sometimes the efforts of trying to part another person of their hard earned money can be downright lame and today I shall show you examples of such lameness. I will use the lady of lame, Ashley of Rock of Bus and Charm School fame as my grading system with the more Ashleys meaning the more lame. Let’s broaden our minds….Lawrence!!!  (click pics to make larger)

Jon & Kate Plus 8 Know Your Gosselins T-Shirt

[singlepic id=147 w=240 h=160 float=left]This shirt asks the simple question “Do You Know Your Gosselins?” and I can answer back “No, but a divorce court judge will soon”. Seriously the thought of someone walking around with a shirt that has pictures of children they don’t personally is beyond creepy so I’ll leave this one to the pedophiles. On the plus side, I heard that’s it’s going to be the height of fashion on To Catch A Predator.

Lameness: [singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

Project Runway “Make It Work” Necklace

[singlepic id=148 w=120 h=120 float=left]Yes you too can mix urban fashion with the catchphrase of Project Runway with this necklace. This necklace should come with a warning that says “Not to be worn to any frat party or first online date. If a guy fixes you a drink and you hear Dave Matthews while wearing run while you still have a chance” Oh the terror isn’t for the ladies either because I’m sure some guy has see some drunk, fat frau thinking she’s Lady Marmalade shaking it between her “moneymakers” just like her Darrin’s Dance Grove DVD taught her. Clear the floor indeed!!!

Lameness:[singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

Survivor USB Drive

[singlepic id=149 w=320 h=150 float=left]There was a television commercial script that was scrapped for this piece of fan fare that one of my congregation sent to me which I will share with you now.

:fade in college dorm:

Johnnie: Hey Terry, Rob left his amazing Survivor USB drive here when he was here studying.

Terry: That drive is super awesome. I wonder what he keeps on there?

Johnnie: His secret alliances?

Terry: The map to all water sources?

Johnnie: Plans on how to win all the immunity challenges?

Terry: Let’s hook it into your laptop and find out!

:Johnnie puts drive in laptop and sits for seconds in shocked silence:

Terry: Well whats on it?

Johnnie: It’s his collection of lucha libre midget porn. :throws laptop down:


Lameness: [singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

The Apprentice Slot Machine

[singlepic id=150 w=100 h=180 float=left]If you’re ever unfortunate enough to find yourselves at a Trump casino then a real treat awaits you in the form of The Apprentice slot machine. For those of you that know a thing or two about a slot machine, it’s a blatant rip off of the Wheel of Fortune slots but I’m sure in the wigged wonder’s mind it was all his idea. He also thought there was nothing more classy or luxurious than having some nickel slinging granny hear him proclaim “You’re fired” while raking in the big $2 jackpot.

Lameness:[singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

A Shot At Love Wifebeater

[singlepic id=151 w=180 h=260 float=left]Some people called the show groundbreaking for being a bisexual dating show but for teen boys it was high grade porn. How does MTV thank those women who could appreciate the unique nature of the show? They offer the ultimate lesbian stereotype. a wifebeater with the show’s logo on it. I guess Birkenstock and Indigo Girls turned them down for additional tie ins but MTV should’ve just went with a Lord of The Rings tie in considering homegirl looks like Gollum.

Lameness: [singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

America’s Next Top Model Doll

[singlepic id=152 w=120 h=200 float=left]Do you want your daughter to be one judgmental bitch? Do you want your child to shatter self esteems and dreams at the same time while not having the hassle of being famous? Would you like your child to be the next Ms J or Janice Dickinson then this is the perfect toy for them. This is as authentic as gets from the bones sticking out, included Polaroid before picture right down to the smell of bulemia and self esteem. I can’t give this a high lame rating because if a certain mother had this doll when she was a child, the American viewing public wouldn’t have been subjected to this….[singlepic id=153 w=40 h=100 float=center]

Lameness: [singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

American Idol Ice Cream

[singlepic id=154 w=320 h=240 float=left]For those who can’t get enough of the American Idol marketing machine there’s AI ice cream. They give you the full AI experience by letting you vote on the flavor they should make a permanent selection and when the others lose they become sour grape flavor. Here’s the secret they don’t want you to know… ever wonder what happened to Brian Dunkleman and all of the unsold copies of From Justin to Kelly? That’s right American Idol ice cream is made of Dunkleman and shite movies. Next year they’re going to try and have a new flavor Tatiana Toffee so Tatiana if you’re reading this…….RUN GIRL RUN!!!!

Lameness: [singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=left][singlepic id=155 w=50 h=50 float=]

Lesson to Be Learned

You work hard for your money so don’t fall for foolish attempts to get it by catering to your fan boy/girl side. Always ask yourself this one question “If this product didn’t have my favorite show on it would I pay the inflated price for it? ”

The lesson has been taught now go forth and spread your new found knowledge to the world safely knowing that Saint Dagame loves each and every one of you.