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Reflections…

Refelctions

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reflecting on 2012 has been more difficult for me than it’s ever been. I had high hopes… My motto coming into 2012 was for no expectations, and without even realizing it, I entered the New Year with a ton of them, setting myself up for failure from day 1… Or so it felt like failure as I started to reflect.

I find myself in a place in life were I almost feel stuck… Stuck between my own reality and my dream of a stable rewarding life, trying to find that balance in the middle that completes me. Stuck…

What has 2012 done for me?? The more I think of that question, the more positive my outlook on 2013 becomes, but I’ll explain more on that later. In this past year I started school… A blessing and a burden at the same time. The blessing… I’m following my heart to begin a career and the life I set aside when I became a mom 20 years ago. The burden… Time and stress. Managing school and life is much harder than it appears from the outside… And sometimes I feel unsure if I can take anymore, but I always manage to figure it out. Even when I was working full time, I feel like I had more time than I do now.

Also, in this past year I’ve started to rebuild my relationship with my son… And this alone is huge for me. Although it’s been 3 birthdays and Christmas’s that I haven’t been able to spend with him, I at least got a text from him on Christmas this year and I get periodic phone calls and texts that keep my head from running away from me. Just in this year alone, I felt the ultimate rejection from him (not intentional), but all was forgotten in a long awaited and unexpected hug in the middle of a gas station parking lot… And I got to tell him I love him unconditionally, face to face… And for once, I believe he heard me and more importantly… He believed me.

Going into 2013 comes with a ton of uncertainty? I know that I must find a job within the next 5 months, and a new place to live in the next 10 days. Both to me are scary, especially in this economy that’s supposedly on its way out of a recession, although most people I know don’t see it, including me. But what scares me most is where I fit in anymore? I’m 38… And sometimes just as confused about life as if I were 8? Wait, not 8… Even though at that age I was bullied everyday and didn’t know why… I was a kid and it was so much easier to bounce back… No responsibilities. More like confused about life like if were 18… but looking back, I had more direction then than I do now… and as I said already, I find myself in a place in life where I almost feel stuck… Stuck between my own reality and my dream of a stable rewarding life, trying to find that balance in the middle that completes me. Stuck…

This is what thinking about what 2012 has done for me, makes me more positive for 2013. I wanted to go into 2012 with no expeditions, but it’s apparent I had many expectations judging by how disappointed I was when I 1st started reflecting on the year… But I’ve quickly realized it’s the little things that matter most!

Completing a full year of school with a 3.96 GPA, reconnecting with Levi, making new friends (ahem, mostly the virtual variety… But to me a friend is friend!), new babies on the way (not mine! But my son and his girlfriend, my son’s 1st baby mama and her boyfriend, and my neice and her boyfriend are all expecting babies in 2013), reconnecting with old friends and building stronger friendships with current friends, discovering myself and learning to love who I am.

There is more, but the most important is knowing that I made it through another year… Alive… laughing, loving, crying, caring, dancing, discovering, managing…. And for that I am thankful!

I’m thankful that my mom and dad (stepdad, but dad just-the-same) accept me for me, when I know other parents don’t because they aren’t perfect in their eyes, whether they are gay, finding a different religion or philosophy in life, too short, or too fat… I am blessed my they love me for me, period… As all children should be, young or old.

I’m thankful for my sister… For this year I’ve truly experienced her unconditional love… It’s always been there, but I finally accepted it without question. I just can’t imagine my life without her, and often feel guilty that I don’t have to share her… Everyone in this world should have a sister like her, this world would truly be a better place. She single-handily provides me with happiness everyday, who else can say that.

I’m thankful for my husband… Because he is my only hug most days, and I need them! We’ve been married almost 20 years, and times aren’t always easy… and in days when I feel we have grown too far apart, he finds a way to bring us close again.

And I’m thankful for my friends… Every single one of them! Those from grade school, to past jobs and everyone in between. And I must give a special shout-out to those I only know in the virtual world, some of you know me better than friends I might see every day. I don’t get to spend much time with friends like I once used to? I don’t go hang out with anyone, go out on the town, scrapbook or Bunko anymore… Partly because of time, but I guess partly I’m out-of-sight, out-of-mind to most. Which is fine mostly, because with school I don’t have as much time anyway.

So, as for 2013… I offer no promises… Just to be me, try to stay positive, never give up and take some chances. Don’t have resolutions, but maybe some goals without a time limit? I want to live healthier… Meaning, I don’t want to profess to be skinny by year end, I just want to be healthy, wherever that takes me is fine. I want to live happier, and not sweat the small stuff anymore and commit to smiling everyday, whether I mean it or not… It can change my day or even some one else’s day if I share my smile with them. I want to live more honestly, within myself… And learn each day to love the flaws that make me me, and be ok with them. And use my sister’s advice, to drink lots of water and remember when life gets hard, take time to breathe.

Goodbye 2012….

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American Idol Rewind: Kelly, America’s Original Idol

As American Idol celebrates it’s 10th anniversary (season premiere TONIGHT 8EST/7CST on Fox with live-blogging threads for each show here at YakkityYaks!), the Yak thought we’d take a trip down memory lane and look back and the previous nine contestants America voted as their Idol. Of course, we’ll begin with our look at America’s original Idol beauty, Kelly Clarkson. Don’t forget to check out the Yak’s Top 10 Idol Auditions as we gear for yet another wacky (and surprising) audition season.

One question before we begin…Brian Dunkelman who? Good decision by the Idol gods to not invite him back, no? OK, back to Kelly. Compared to the other 9 Idol winners, Kelly Clarkson is usually held on a higher pedestal alongside another Idol alum, Carrie Underwood. Many fans argue that Clarkson is still Idol’s best and most loved winner. To each his/her own. That’s not what we’re here to debate. There is no doubt that Kelly Clarkson paved the way for future Idol seasons giving us contestants that will eventually take the music industry by storm. Kelly graced the Idol stage in 2002 and defeated lady favorite Justin Guarini for the top spot. Afterwards, she went on the represent the United States on the international stage, at World Idol in 2003. To date, Clarkson has released four studio albums: double-platinum debut album Thankful (2003), multi-platinum Breakaway (2004), My December (2007), and All I Ever Wanted (2009). Clarkson is working on her 5th album, titled May, likely scheduled for a May 2011 release (or a rumored March release). Selling over 10.5 million copies in the United States, Clarkson proved she would be a force to be reckoned with and that Idol could be a viable springboard for hopefuls in years to come. Based on downloads alone, Kelly Clarkson is the only American Idol to have reached number one in the UK with her single “My Life Would Suck Without You.” She has sold 36 million singles and 23 million albums worldwide.

Earning 58% of the vote (to Guarini’s 42%), Clarkson won the hearts of America with her Texas charm. Her first released single, “A Moment Like This,” rose from 52 to 1 on Billboard’s Hot 100. The single, subsequently tacked on to her debut album, helped propel Thankful to sell more than 236,000 copies in its first week alone. Some of her biggest performances on Idol have been tapped over and over again on YouTube and around the internet. Wowing America and the judge’s with her rendition of “RESPECT” and “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” by Aretha Franklin, Clarkson showed she was here to stay, even with no audience to feed off of. “A Natural Woman” propelled Kelly to runner-up at the World Idol competition a year after her Idol victory, placing second behind Norway’s best, Kurt Nilsen.

But Kelly’s success wasn’t without it’s drama. Shortly after winning the competition, Kelly was accused of working with a record company, against Idol’s rules. She was eventually cleared of any allegations, as she she only had a contract in order to conduct demonstration work. Her debut album, Thankful, premiered at number one on Billboard’s 200 and reached double-platinum by the end of 2003. Critics were quick to say this would be Kelly’s only success, living off of her recent Idol victory, and that her album was missing the personality she showed on screen. Clarkson earned her first Grammy nomination in 2004 for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance with the album’s second, and arguably biggest, single, “Miss Independent.” But Kelly wasn’t going to stop there.

Moving a bit away from the Idol springboard, Kelly wanted to take a little more creative control with her second album, Breakaway, as the title alludes to. She took on a more rock-oriented image, which was actually very well received by her fans. Initially the sales were low, but fans came out in droves when singles from the album were released. The album eventually became the fourth album in Billboard history to stay on the Billboard 200 top 20 for a consecutive year. The first single, “Breakaway,” used for The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, achieved considerable success. However, it was “Since U Been Gone” that propelled Kelly’s second album to fame. Leading to Kelly’s first Grammy Award (Best Female Pop Vocal Performance), the single also helped the album pick up a win for Best Pop Vocal Album. Breakaway propelled Clarkson to participate in a number of festivities including NBA games, the Torino Olympics, NCAA Final Four and the MTV Video Music Awards, where she picked up Best Female Video for “Because of You.”

Clarkson then went on to part ways with her management after low airplay for singles from her third album, My December. The same month, word went around that her first nationwide arena tour was cancelled due to underwhelming ticket sales and that she will rather be performing at smaller, more intimate venues. My December still sold enough and reached platinum in December 2007. In early 2007 when Clarkson appeared at the charity event Idol Gives Back, she refused to follow her label’s demands in performing her own single, “Never Again.” “My label wanted me to sing ‘Never Again,’ and I was like, to promote yourself on a charity event is beyond crass. People are starving and dying and I’m up there singing some bitter pop song? And believe me, everyone wanted me to sing it. Because they are jaded and they have no soul. Imagine sitting in a room full of people totally against you. Can’t they hear themselves speaking? Capitalize on AIDS? Are you kidding? Insulting an entire nation of people? I just refused.” Clarkson is still widely respected in the Idol circles, with Cowell commenting everyone around her still seems amateur when she returns to the Idol stage.

Clarkson’s 4th album, All I Ever Wanted, earned her another Grammy nomination for Best Pop Vocal Album in 2009. Her first single, “My Life Would Suck Without You,” also featured on Glee, climbed from #97 to #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 in just one week, breaking the record for largest leap to the top previously held by Britney’s “Womanizer.” And that brings us to today…Clarkson’s latest single from her 5th studio album is expected to drop sometime in January, perfectly coinciding with the premiere of Idol during it’s 10th anniversary. In addition to her pop days, Kelly has done collaborations with Rascal Flatts, Reba McEntire and most recently, Jason Aldean, diving into the country music realm. And she’s been more than welcome, receiving top nod nominations with the Country Music Association.

One little point in Clarkson’s career I’m almost certain she’s trying to forget was her film debut in From Justin to Kelly. As part of her contractual obligations after winning American Idol, Clarkson starred in this musical film with Guarini. It was poorly received by critics, fans, and even Kelly herself. “I knew when I read the script it was going to be real, real bad, but when I won, I signed that piece of paper and I could not get out of it.”

Even in the midst of all of this, Kelly Clarkson is still one of the show’s most memorable superstars. Dabbling on the small screen, the big screen, the radio, internet and even from genre to genre, Kelly is still arguably one of the mega-hit’s biggest and best mega stars. Rivaling the likes of other Idol winners and should-have-been winners (cough*Daughtry*cough), Kelly hasn’t given any indication she’s ready to leave the music business. In fact, breaking away from the main stream seems to be her mainstay and a successful one at that. We’re not expecting anything different with her upcoming album and her future ventures.

Kelly Clarkson, your original American Idol, crowned just 8 years ago. Relive Kelly’s winning performance of “A Moment Like This” below to relive her biggest Idol moment. And don’t forget to let us know your thoughts on Kelly Clarkson by commenting below or joining our FORUMS for free to discuss her success (or lack thereof if you’re not a fan)! Also, be sure to check out our feature on Season 2 winner, Ruben Studdard, tomorrow!