Big Brother’s Couch Potato Examines the Houseguests

Note: This feature will be submitted on a weekly basis by one of our Twitter followers! If you’d like to write for the Yak, just let us know and we’ll see what we can do! We’re open and very receptive to participation from all types of Yaks!

So, hello everyone. You’re probably wondering who I am, but I’m not gonna tell…anyone. What I am going to do is give you a unique view of Big Brother 14 (unique for all of you at least). What is that, you ask? It’s the perspective of someone who was formerly like you, a hardcore Big Brother online nerd net fan. I used to watch the feeds all the time, would scour the internet for any and all scoopage and spoilers and of course, read the Yak updates from my phone when I couldn’t get online. But not this year. You see, I’ve decided to sacrifice all of that and give the Yak a perspective it’s not used to…the perspective of a show only watcher. I will not be watching the feeds, I won’t be reading any spoilers. I’ll know house events only when it’s aired on TV and I’ll only know the goings on of the house from what they air.

As we all know, CBS edits the heck out of what it airs. It has to. There’s NO WAY they could air everything you all see on the feeds. In the past, however, that’s left a lot of good stuff out of the aired shows. People who watch JUST the show would have no clue on many things and that’s what I’m going to be this year. I’m giving it all up, and I do this for the Yak.

So, every week, once a week (maybe more if I feel like it) I’ll be sending in my thoughts on each show to one of the prestigious owners of this site. Only they know who I am. I’ve followed the Yak on Twitter for a long time, and one thing I respect the hell out of them for is that they are very limited on what they spoil directly on their Twitter TL. They tweet out that they have them and then give their followers the option to view them on their site. So, I contacted the Yak via DM the other day, asked them if they’d like this perspective and they agreed. So here we go. Keep in mind, when you read this again, that I ONLY know what is aired. I won’t be reading this either on the Yak’s site and unfortunately I won’t be trolling as much as I used to, to purposely avoid spoilers.

First, my thoughts on the newbies:

Frank is the long lost secret child of Richard Simmons and Carrot Top…and a pervert, grabbing the big bed so the last girl w/out a bed has to sleep with him. But, as evidenced by his performance in the first HOH competition, he’s physically fit. I wonder if he’s spastic all the time or if he chills out.

Danielle…cute accent…at first. Then when she talked more I was instantly reminded of Holly from BB5. However, I also liked her attitude in the HOH competition and her approach to Dan when she was facing the instant eviction.

Shane, the house flipper who can’t really say that if you don’t actually sell them. Plus, please get rid of that stupid shell necklace. I don’t know about him, he seems like he’d be someone puffing his chest out as he walked around, cocky as hell.

Jodi – Kalia junior? She wasn’t there long enough to form a true impression but I got the feeling she would have been a constant whiner and drama starter.

Ian – if Michelle from BB11 hadn’t lost her mind she could have found her soul-mate. He is totally adorable. I love his facial expressions and he seems like he could be a VERY smart player. He seems schooled in the game too. Big fan already.

Wil…wow….if I were watching the feeds he’d be interesting to see. He’s also a strong competitor though and since he’s on Janelle’s team, that’s fitting, they seem like they’d get along very well. I imagine him to either be, along with Ian, the house pet of sorts OR VERY annoying.

JoJo immediately bugs the you know what out of me with instant attitude. Dislike, “I always get my bed”. Bite me. I hated her attitude the entire time, she seemed very self-entitled and a total b*tch.

Willie, Russell Hantz’s brother, is interesting. No immunity idol hidden though. But I think he’s got a big hurdle as many instantly suspected him to be a relation to Russell. IF he can surpass that and not make too many waves as the first HOH, he could go far as he seems like a strong competitor as well.

Ah, the stock BB model, former groupie – Kara. That’s about it for her, she honestly didn’t make that much of an impression on me.

Joe the chef – spaz, total spaz. But if he plays it smart and bends to his skills as a chef without bringing a lot of attention to himself, he could go far. I didn’t get much of an impression on him yet either, though.

Jenn – tattoo rock chick – is someone who has to flaunt their uniqueness is dealing with insecurity issues. But I liked her gusto on the HOH competition too. As we all know though, (hi Lydia), her type always gets in the drama and I kinda got that vibe from her. That’s stereotyping though, too.

Spray tan chick, Ashley, headband, hippie dippie says love…seriously, the headband thing is so over. She comes across as annoying as hell. WAY too outgoing, WAY too exuberant. She’d wear me out the first day and I’d be waiting for BB to telling her to shut up. Ashley needs to be cut off from any sort of stimulating substance.

“Most memorable.” “The greats.” That’s how the four returning players were referred to by the Chenbot.

Dan – YES. He WAS a great player, one of the best. I can see this.
He’s going to be a great coach.

Janelle -YEAH! Most competition wins in a season, she’s a total competitor.

Britney – Don’t see how she’s a “great player” but acknowledged that she did get played, and that she didn’t see the big picture. Yes, you do have to prove you can play. But I like her attitude coming into it as well and she was very encouraging to her teammates. I think she has learned from her first time around.

Boogie – It will be interesting to see how he does without Will. Didn’t know he was a dad, that’s cool. But seems to have a grasp on it except saying he’s the best to ever play, which that title belongs to his CT mate, Will. I hope, HOPE, that he and Janelle pair up in some way honestly.

The twist was interesting too. Britney was smart to pick Willie as HOH and I hope he doesn’t let this power go to his head. Dan, I think, made the right choice in eliminating Jodi. The only thing I think she would have been strong at is MAYBE the social aspect. If Willie was smart, he’d nominate the two girls left on Dan’s team and the house has a consensus that even if one comes off the block, the other one is evicted; leaving Dan’s team with just one player on it. You all may already know what the plan is, I won’t know who is nominated until Sunday night. Until next time, enjoy the feeds for me!

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